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Космические яйца

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- Colonel Sandurz!
- What is it, Sergeant Ricco?
You told me to let you know the moment
Planet Druidia was in sight, sir.
- So?
- Planet Druidia's in sight, sir.
You're really a Spaceball.
- You know that, don't you?
- Thanks, sir.
- Have you notified Lord Helmet?
- Yes, sir. He's on his way.
Make way for Dark Helmet.
All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet.
I can't breathe in this thing!
- We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir.
- Good.
I'll call Spaceball City
and notify President Skroob.
I already called him, sir.
He knows everything.
What?
You went over my helmet?
Not exactly over, sir.
Uh, m-m-more to the side.
I'll always call you first.
It'll never happen again. Never, ever!
Oh, shit!
No, no, no, no! No, no!
Please, please, please! No, no, not that!
Yes, that.
- Sandurz!
- Sir?
I don't see Planet Druidia. Where is it?
We have it on the radar screen.
Shall I punch it up for you?
- Nah, I'll do it myself.
- Very good, sir.
What's the matter with this thing?
You call that a radar screen?
No, sir. We call it... Mr Coffee.
Care for some?
Yes!
- I always have coffee when I watch radar.
- Of course.
- Everybody knows that.
- Of course we do, sir.
Now that I have my coffee,
I'm ready to watch radar.
Where is it?
- Right here, sir.
- Switch to teleview.
There it is. Planet Druidia.
And under the air shield
10,000 years of fresh air.
- We must get through the shield.
- We will, sir.
Once we kidnap the princess, her father'll
give us the combination to the air shield,
thereby destroying Planet Druidia
and saving Planet Spaceball.
Everybody got that?
- Good. When will the princess marry?
- Within the hour, sir.
Well, I hope it's a long ceremony,
cos it's gonna be a short honeymoon.
Hot! Too hot!
Oh, if only your mother
were alive to see this day.
- Everyone ready?
- Yes, Your Majesty.
- No. Where's my droid of honour?
- Oh, dear, yes! Where's Dot?
Dot!
Dot Matrix!
Oh, thank God.
- Where have you been?
- Here I am.
Sorry. I had to make a pit stop.
I'm so excited, I couldn't hold my oil.
All right, people. It's magic time.
Right, everyone starting on the left foot.
- Daddy, that's your right foot.
- It's too late. Keep going.
Daddy?
- Must I go through with this?
- I'm sorry, my dear. You have to.
But, Daddy?
I don't love him.
I'm sorry, Vespa.
He's the last prince left in the galaxy.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
on this most joyous occasion
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp, and out the door!
Stop her! Someone, stop her! Stop her!
Hey, wait! You forgot to get married.
Will you stop?
- What are you doing?
- No questions, Dot. Get in!
Where is she going?! Where is she going?
Come ba...
...ck!
Barf...
Barf.
Ba-arf!
Huh?
- Barf?
- Always when I'm eating.
Barf!
- What can I do you for?
- Where you been?
- Grabbin' a snack. Want some?
- No.
- Little hair of the dog?
- No! Listen, answer that for me.
- Will you watch that?
- Oh, sorry.
I'll just throw on your audio.
That way they won't see you.
- Y'hello!
- Hello, Lone Starr.
Sorry, wrong switch.
Hello, Vinnie. What do you want?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not what I want.
It's what he wants.
Pizza The Hutt!
Well, if it isn't Lone Starr
and his sidekick, Puke.
- That's Barf.
- Barf, Puke, whatever!
- Where's my money?
- Don't worry. You'll have it by next week.
No, no. I gotta have it by tomorrow.
A hundred thousand space bucks...
by tomorrow?!
A hundred thousand?
No way! You forgot late charges,
which brings it up to,
uh... one million space bucks.
A million?! That's unfair.
Unfair to the pay-or,
but not to the pay-ee.
But you're gonna pay it
or else.
- Or else what?
- Tell him, Vinnie.
Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.
You're delicious.
Ciao, boys.
Can we talk?
OK, we all know Prince Valium is a pill.
But you could've married him for your
father, then
Космические яйца

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