take orders, I give 'em.
This is my dreamboat, sweetheart.
- Sweetheart?
- Uh-oh.
How dare you speak to me that way!
You will address me as
"Your Royal Highness".
I am Princess Vespa.
Daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
That's all we needed.
A Druish princess.
Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
Now we will show her
who is in charge of this galaxy.
Hold it!
I'll handle this personally.
Jawohl, Lord Helmet.
So, Princess Vespa,
you thought you could outwit
the forces of Planet Spaceball.
Well, you were wrong.
You are now our prisoner. And you will
be held hostage until such time
as all of the air is transferred
from your planet
to ours.
She's not in there!
 Radar repaired, sir. We're
picking up the outline of a... Winnebago.
Winnebago?
Lone Starr.
Lone Starr...
- Uh-oh, here comes the Badyear blimp.
- We'd better get outta here in a hurry.
- Switch to secret hyper jets.
- Switching to secret hyper jets.
Buckle up back there,
we're going into... hyperactive.
We're closing in on them, sir.
Soon Lone Starr will be ours.
Good. Prepare to attack.
Prepare to attack!
On the count of three.
One...
two...
...late! What happened? Where are they?
I don't know, sir.
They must have hyper jets.
- And what have we got? A Cuisinart?
- No, sir.
- Well, find them! Catch them!
- Yes, sir!
- Prepare ship for light speed.
- No, no, light speed is too slow.
- Light speed too slow?
- Yes. We're gonna have to go right to...
...ludicrous speed.
- Ludicrous speed?
We've never gone that fast.
Maybe the ship can't take it.
What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz?
Chicken?
Prepare ship...
Prepare ship for ludicrous speed.
Fasten all seat belts.
Seal all entrances and exits.
Close all shops in the mall.
Cancel the three-ring circus.
- Secure all animals in the zoo...
- Shut up, you petty excuse for an officer!
Now hear this. Ludicrous speed!
- Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?
- Oh, buckle this!
Ludicrous speed! Go!
What have I done?
My brains... are going into my feet.
What the hell was that?
Spaceball One.
They've gone to plaid!
We passed them! Stop this thing!
We can't stop. It's too dangerous.
We've got to slow down first.
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing! I order you!
Stop!
Oh!
Here, sir, here. Let me help you, sir.
- Are you all right, sir?
- Fine. How have you been?
- Fine, sir.
- Good.
- Good thing you were wearing a helmet.
- Yeah.
What shall we do now, sir?
- Well... Are we stopped?
- We're stopped, sir.
Good.
- Why don't we take a five-minute break?
- Very good, sir.
Smoke if you got 'em.
- Take her out of hyperactive.
- Takin' her out of hyperactive.
Congrats, boss. We did it.
They overshot us by a week.
- OK. Set a course for Druidia.
- Setting a course for Drui-i-i-i...
- What's that?
- I don't know. We're losin' power.
We're out of gas!
- Must have burned it up in hyper.
- Should've put more than $5 worth in!
OK, we'll have to set her down.
Prepare for an emergency landing.
- Quick, give me a reading.
- "Our Father, who art in heaven..."
Stop that!
Keep your seat belts on.
You OK, Princess?
No, you idiot!
Where'd you learn how to fly?
OK, Eagle Five coming in.
Go left. Right! I mean right! Whoa!
Oh!
- Where are you going?
- I am going to tell him off once and for all.
W- w-w-wait!
We'll need him to get us out of here.
Called me an idiot? I'm goin' back there
and explain a few things to her.
Besides, he's got a sexy voice.
He might be cute.
- You haven't seen what she looks like.
- I have. All princesses look the same.
Cute! I know these space bums.
They're all alike.
- Fat, ugly...
- Bucktoothed, knock-kneed...
...beer-swilling pigs.
...horse-faced space dogs.
Normally I'd...
Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark.
Now, listen, you...
You listen. On this ship you're to refer
to me as "idiot", not "you Captain".
- I mean... You know what I mean.
- And you will not call me "you".
You will