Yes, sir. Immediately, sir.
Great beasties! His head!
- It's on backwards!
- Well, this is terrible! Do something!
I'm sorry, sir. There must have been
a micro-converter malfunction.
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?
Hold on, sir. We'll try to reverse the beam.
Could be the interlocking system.
Lock one. Lock two. Lock three.
Loch Lomond.
Are you all right, Mr President?
Fine, fine, no thanks to you.
- We'll beam you back, sir.
- Forget it, forget it. No more beaming.
This time I'm gonna walk!
President Skroob! Salute!
Hail, Skroob!
- Hello, President Skroob.
- Oh, uh...
- Hello, Charlene.
- I'm Marlene!
- Hello, Marlene.
- I'm Charlene!
Chew your gum.
- Where's the princess?
- Right there, sir.
To the left, approaching Spaceball One
at 1500 light leagues per minute.
Good, good! She's almost in our grasp.
Tell Dark Helmet
he must take the princess alive.
Princess Vespa's spaceship within range.
Good.
Fire a warning shot across her nose.
What's going on?
It's either the Fourth of July,
or someone's trying to kill us!
Hey, I don't have to put up with this.
I'm rich.
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling my father.
1 - 800 - DRUIDIA.
Careful, you idiot!
I said across her nose, not up it!
Sorry, sir. Doing my best.
- Who made that man a gunner?
- I did, sir.
He's my cousin.
- Who is he?
- He's an Asshole, sir.
- I know that! What's his name?
- That is his name, sir. Major Asshole.
- And his cousin?
- An Asshole, too. Gunner Phillip Asshole.
How many Assholes
we got on this ship anyhow?
Yo!
I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes.
Keep firing, Assholes!
Hurry, Daddy! Hurry!
There are laser blasts all around us!
I'm scared.
King Roland to Lone Starr!
King Roland to Lone Starr! Are you there?
Lone Starr, you've got to help me. My
daughter's being attacked by Spaceballs.
Spaceballs? Forget it. Too dangerous.
Besides, I'm already numero uno
on Dark Helmet's hit list.
Look, Your Highness,
it's not that we're afraid.
It's just that we've got this thing
about death. It's not us.
You're the only ones that can save her!
I'll give you anything!
Did you hear me? Anything!
- Anything?
- Yes, anything!
- OK, we'll do it for... a million.
- A million!
Oh, you're starting to fade,
Your Highness.
All right, I'll pay it. Only find her, save her.
All right, King. You just made a deal.
One princess for one million space bucks.
- What's she driving?
- A brand-new white Mercedes 2001
SEL limited edition.
Moonroof, all-leather interior.
I got it at a good price. I paid cash.
My cousin Prince Murray has
a dealership. He was very nice to me.
We get the idea.
Where was she last seen?
- She was just passing Jupiter Two.
- We'll find her.
Please, bring her back safely!
And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car.
One million space bucks!
We can pay off Pizza!
Gimme paw!
What's happening?
What's that glow?
- We're not moving.
- Oh, we're moving all right.
Backwards!
There's our princess. She's got company.
Oh, no. Spaceballs. And they've
got her in their magnetic beam.
Oh, well, we're too late.
I'll just reverse and we'll go.
Barf! No. Bad.
Why are we risking our lives
for a princess? I know we need money...
Listen!
We're not just doing this for money.
We're doing it for a shitload of money!
Oh, you're right.
And when you're right, you're right.
And you're always right.
OK, we save her, but how?
They're gonna spot us on their radar.
- Uh-uh.
- Uh-huh.
- Uh-uh.
- Uh-huh.
Uh-uh, not if we jam it.
Aha! You're right.
- Down scope!
- Down scope.
Radar about to be
jammed.
Sh...
..it!
Sir?
- What is it?
- Can I talk to you for a moment, sir?
- Well?
- Trouble with the radar, sir
You don't need that, Private. What is it?
Trouble with the radar, sir
- What is it?!
- Trouble with the radar.
- What's wrong?
- I've lost the bleeps, sweeps and creeps.
- The what?
- The what?
You know. The bleeps:
The sweeps: