never was.
I could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without...
...love.
Sure you could.
Without physical contact.
Yeah.
Without being held.
Yeah.
Or kissed.
Abandon ship! Abandon ship!
Women and mogs first!
We'll have none of that, mister.
- How far did he get? What'd he touch?
- Nothing happened.
- What the hell was that noise?
- That was my virgin alarm.
It's programmed to go off before you do.
You get back to bed, miss.
And as for you, sex fiend...
All right, let's all just get some sleep.
We gotta get moving before dawn.
- Why so early?
- Because we're in the middle of a desert,
and we aren't gonna get very far
once that blazing sun gets overhead.
Nice dissolve.
Water. Water.
Water.
Oil. Oil.
Room service. Room service.
Chief, that's it.
I can't... I can't go any further.
- I can't go any further.
- Come on, Barf, old buddy.
- No!
- Just one more dune to go.
No! You said that three dunes ago.
I got no more left.
Oh, waiter. Check, please.
Must go on.
Must go on!
Must go on...
Who am I kidding?
Oh. Thanks, little guy.
Oh, thank you.
Did I miss something?
When did we get to Disneyland?
- I don't see them, Sandurz.
- I've sent the troops on ahead, sir.
- Good. Get moving.
- Driver, prepare to move out.
What are you preparing? Just go!
- Just go.
- Yes, sir.
Sir, shouldn't you sit down?
- What are they saying?
- They want us to go with them.
- What is this place?
- It looks like the Temple of Doom.
Well, it ain't Temple Beth Israel.
Come on. I think we better follow 'em.
Oh-oh, I think we woke it up.
- Goodbye. Let me know how it turns out.
- Come back, Dot!
- Come on, we gotta keep goin'.
- We need you.
- What's gonna happen now?
- Don't ask. Maybe it won't.
- What if it does? I'm all for leaving!
- Barf, no!
I think we get outta here now
while the going's good!
Silence!
Who dares enter the sacred and awesome
presence of the everlasting know-it-all,
Yogurt?
Yogurt?
- You heard of me?
- Heard of you? Who hasn't heard of you?
Yogurt, the wise.
- Yogurt, the all-powerful!
- Yogurt, the magnificent.
Please, please, don't make a fuss.
I'm just plain Yogurt.
- But you're the one...
- Yes!
I am the keeper of a greater magic.
A power known throughout the universe
- as the...
- Force?
No. The Schwartz.
The Schwartz.
Yes.
The Schwartz.
But, Yogurt, what is this place?
What is it that you do here?
- Merchandising.
- Merchandising. What's that?
Merchandising. Come, I'll show you.
Open up the store.
Come! Walk this way! Take a look.
We put the picture's name on everything!
Merchandising! Merchandising!
Where the real money
from the movie is made.
"Spaceballs" - the T-shirt.
"Spaceballs" - the coloring book.
"Spaceballs" - the lunchbox.
"Spaceballs" - the breakfast cereal.
"Spaceballs" - the flame thrower!
The kids love this one.
Last, but not least. "Spaceballs" - the doll.
Me.
May the Schwartz be with you.
Adorable.
- President Skroob.
- What is it?
I have an urgent message from
Lord Helmet. He's lost the princess.
- Where?
- Somewhere in the sands of Vega.
Tell them to comb the desert,
do you hear me? Comb the desert!
Yes, sir.
- Sir?
- What?
- Are we being too literal?
- No, you fool, we're following orders.
We were told to comb the desert,
so we're combing it.
Found anything yet?
Nothing yet, sir.
How about you?
Not a thing, sir.
What about you guys?
We ain't found shit!
It's a big mystery. None of the wise men
could tell me what it means.
Wise men, pshaw. Wise guys, you mean.
What do they know?
Here, let me take a look.
- You can read it!
- No, I was just clearing my throat.
Here, let me take a...
Ah. Ooh, yes.
Yes, yes, of course!
- You understand it?
- Yes.
- What's it say?
- I cannot tell you that now.
- It'll be revealed to you at the proper time.
- Great.
Don't be disappointed.
Back to your Schwartz training.
Here, take the ring.
Point it at that big statue.
OK, but I