- Absolutely nothing!
Which is what you are about to become.
Prepare to die.
You have the ring.
And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
Now let's see how well you handle it.
Um... He did it.
What?
Shit! I hate it
when I get my Schwartz twisted.
OK, maybe if I put my leg up on yours,
we could split apart like...
Good, yeah. One, two, three, go!
So, Lone Starr,
Yogurt has taught you well.
If there's one thing I despise,
it is a fair fight.
But if I must, then I must.
May the best man win.
Put 'er there.
The ring! I can't believe
you fell for the oldest trick in the book!
What a goof!
What's with you, man? Come on!
You know what?
Let me give it back to you. Oh!
Oh, look at that. You fell for that, too.
I can't believe it, man.
So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph
because good is dumb.
Very impressive, Lone Starr. Too bad
this isn't the Wide World of Sports.
Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr.
Use the Schwartz.
I can't. I lost the ring.
Forget the ring. The ring is bupkis.
I found it in a Cracker Jack box.
The Schwartz is in you, Lone Starr.
It's in you!
All right. I'll try.
Say goodbye to your two best friends.
And I don't mean
your pals in the Winnebago.
Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.
This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.
What's going on?
Where the hell are we? Paris?
Thank you for pressing the button.
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes and 45 seconds.
Stop it. Is there any way to stop it?
I can't. It's irreversible.
Like my raincoat.
Attention, this is Colonel Sandurz
in forward command. Abandon ship!
Abandon ship!
All personnel proceed to escape pods.
Close down the circus. Evacuate the zoo.
The self-destruct mechanism
has been activated. Abandon ship.
Sandurz! Sandurz, you gotta help me.
I don't know what to do.
I can't make decisions. I'm a president!
This is your two-minute warning.
This ship will self-destruct in two minutes.
Launch all escape pods
once they are filled.
What's happening? Where is he?
* Spaceballs
* Watch out!
- Where is he?
- Here.
We got a minute and 40
before the end of the world. Hang on!
* Spaceballs
Full throttle.
- Go to hyper jets.
- Going to hyper jets.
* If you're livin' in a bubble
And you haven't got a care
- Hey, where do you think you're going?
- Pizza to go!
* Then you're gonna be in trouble
Cos we're gonna steal your air
* Cos what you've got is what we need
And all we do is dirty deeds
* We're the Spaceballs
* Watch out
* We're the Spaceballs
Hey, that's my escape pod. Who are you?
I'm the bearded lady.
What are you, one of the freaks?
Hey, come back! That's my pod! No!
Come back, you fat, bearded bitch!
One pod left.
And three of us.
And I'm the president.
Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship.
I think you should go down with it.
Goodbye.
What's the matter with this belt?
* Spaceballs
This ship will self-destruct in 20 seconds.
It's your last chance
to push the cancellation button.
Cancellation button? Hurry!
* Spaceballs
* Watch out!
- Where is it? Where is it?
- It's gotta be here.
- Out of order.
- Fuck! Even in the future nothing works.
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly ten seconds.
Counting down.
Ten, nine,
eight, six
Six? What happened to seven?
Just kidding.
There's the other end. Faster!
Six, five, four,
three, two, one.
- Have a nice day.
- Thank you.
We did it!
We all did it.
So I guess you might call that
a case of... man bites droid?
On a sadder note, Pizza The Hutt,
famed half-man, half-pizza,
was found dead earlier today
in the back seat of his stretch limo.
Evidently, the notorious gangster became
locked in his carand ate himself to death.
Coming up:
Pongo's review of "Rocky Five
Thousand". Pongo?
Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.
Now we don't have to pay him the million.
We can keep it for ourselves.
Yeah.
- Daddy! Oh, Daddy!
- Oh, Vespa, my darling.
I