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Космические яйца

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unfair!
Unfair to the payer...
but not to the payee.
But you're gonna pay it or else...
Or else what?
Tell him, Vinnie.
Or else Pizza is gonna send out for you.
- You're delicious.
- Ciao, boys.
Can we talk?
Okay. We all know Prince Valium is a pill...
but you could've married him
for your father's sake...
and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.
Will you turn that thing off?
What?
What is it?
I was saying,
do you realize what you've done?
Yes! And I'm glad.
Glad.
I wonder if she's glad.
Don't be ridiculous.
As president of Planet Spaceball,
I can assure both you and your viewers...
that there's
absolutely no air shortage whatsoever.
Yes, of course.
I've heard the same rumor myself.
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.
Yes, bye.
Shithead.
- President Skroob.
- Yes?
This is Central Control.
Spaceball Commanderette Zircon
speaking, sir.
Yes, what is it, Commanderette?
Lord Helmet has just notified us
that Princess Vespa is in sight...
and Spaceball One is closing in on her.
Good.
We have both ships coming up
on the teledar, sir, if you wish to observe.
I'll be down immediately.
Should I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
I don't know about that beaming stuff.
Is it safe?
Oh, yes, sir.
Snotty beamed me twice last night.
It was wonderful.
All right. I'll take a shot at it.
What the hell, it works on Star Trek.
Snotty...
- beam him down.
- Yes, sir. Immediately, sir.
Great beasties!
What's happened to his head?
It's on backwards!
This is terrible! Do something!
I'm sorry, sir. There must have been
a micro-converter malfunction.
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?
Hold on, sir. We'll try to reverse the beam.
It could be the interlocking system.
Lock one. Lock two. Lock three.
Loch Lomond!
Are you all right, Mr. President?
Fine. No thanks to you!
We'll beam you back, sir.
Forget it. No more beaming.
This time I'm gonna walk.
President Skroob! Salute!
Hail, Skroob!
Hello, President Skroob.
- Hello, Charlene.
- I'm Marlene.
- Hello, Marlene.
- I'm Charlene.
Chew your gum.
Where's the Princess?
Right there, sir,
on the left side of the screen...
approaching Spaceball One
at 1,500 light leagues per minute.
Good. She's almost in our grasp.
Tell Dark Helmet
he must take the Princess alive.
Princess Vespa's spaceship
within range, sir.
Good.
Fire a warning shot across her nose.
What's going on?
It's either the Fourth of July,
or someone's trying to kill us!
I don't have to put up with this. I'm rich.
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling my father.
1-800-Druidia.
Careful, you idiot!
I said across her nose, not up it!
Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best.
- Who made that man a gunner?
- I did, sir.
He's my cousin.
- Who is he?
- He's an Asshole, sir.
- I know that. What's his name?
- That is his name, sir.
Asshole. Maj. Asshole.
- And his cousin?
- He's an Asshole, too, sir.
Gunner's Mate, First Class, Phillip Asshole.
How many Assholes we got
on this ship anyhow?
Yo!
I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes.
Keep firing, assholes!
Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!
There are laser blasts all around us!
I'm scared.
King Roland to Lone Starr.
Are you there?
Lone Starr, you've got to help me.
Please save my daughter.
She's being attacked by Spaceballs!
Spaceballs? Forget it. Too dangerous.
Besides, I'm already numero uno
on Dark Helmet's hit list.
Look, Your Highness,
it's not that we're afraid. Far from it.
It's just that we got this thing about death.
It's not us.
Please, you must!
You're the only ones that can save her!
I'll give you anything!
Did you hear me? Anything.
- Anything?
- Yes, anything.
- Okay. We'll do it for a million.
- A million?
You're starting to fade here.
We're losing picture, Your Highness.
All right, I'll
Космические яйца Космические яйца

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