and exits.
Close all shops in the mall.
Cancel the three-ring circus.
- Secure all animals in the zoo...
- Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer!
Now hear this. Ludicrous speed!
- Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?
- Oh, buckle this!
Ludicrous speed! Go!
What have I done?
My brains... are going into my feet.
What the hell was that?
Spaceball One.
They've gone to plaid!
We passed them! Stop this thing!
We can't stop. It's too dangerous.
We've got to slow down first.
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing! I order you!
Stop!
Here, sir, here. Let me help you, sir.
- Are you all right, sir?
- Fine. How have you been?
- Fine, sir.
- Good.
- Good thing you were wearing a helmet.
- Yeah.
What shall we do now, sir?
- Well... Are we stopped?
- We're stopped, sir.
Good.
- Why don't we take a five-minute break?
- Very good, sir.
Smoke if you got 'em.
- Take her out of hyperactive.
- Takin' her out of hyperactive.
Congrats, boss. We did it.
They must've overshot us by a week.
- OK. Set a course for Druidia.
- Setting a course for Drui-i-i-i...
- What's that?
- I don't know. We're losin' power.
We're out of gas!
- Must have burned it up in hyper.
- Should've put more than $5 worth in!
OK, we'll have to set her down.
Prepare for an emergency landing.
- Quick, give me a reading.
- "Our Father, who art in heaven..."
Stop that!
Keep your seat belts on.
You OK, Princess?
No, you idiot!
Where'd you learn how to fly?
OK, Eagle Five coming in.
Go left. Right! I mean right! Whoa!
- Where are you going?
- I am going to tell him off once and for all.
W-w-w-wait!
We'll need him to get us out of here.
Called me an idiot? I'm goin' back there
and explain a few things to her.
Besides, he's got a sexy voice.
He might be cute.
- You haven't seen what she looks like.
- I have. All princesses look the same.
Cute! I know these space bums.
They're all alike.
- Fat, ugly,
- Bucktoothed, knock-kneed,
- beer-swilling pigs.
- Horse-faced space dogs.
Normally I'd...
Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark.
Now, listen, you...
You listen. On this ship you're to refer
to me as "idiot", not "you Captain".
- I mean... You know what I mean.
- And you will not call me "you".
You will never address me as "you".
You will call me "Your Royal Highness"!
You are a royal pain in the...
- Whoa! Hold it. Time.
- What?
May I make a suggestion? Any minute
the Spaceballs will make a U-turn,
head back this way and make us all dead.
He's right. Let's go.
Wait. My things.
Now, listen, you royal...
...Highness.
Take only what you need to survive.
Please, slow down.
I'm getting sand up my gears.
Gee, I hope she didn't forget anything.
All right, wait a minute, Barf. Put it down.
- What the hell's in this thing?
- I dunno.
What's this?
I said take only what you need to survive.
It's my industrial-strength hair dryer.
And I can't live without it!
OK, Princess, that's it.
The fairy tale is over.
Welcome to real life.
You want this hot-air machine,
you carry it.
You pick that up.
You pick that up.
How dare you, you insolent peasant!
Nobody talks to me that way. Nobody!
Nobody!
Well, what have we got here?
Will you look at her?
Those flashing eyes, those
flushed cheeks, those trembling lips.
You know something, Princess?
You are ugly when you're angry.
- Uh-oh.
- That's it.
- You and your dog are...
- Please, please,
total humans, droids, if I may.
It'll be dark soon,
so I suggest we find a place to camp.
Come, darling.
- See? It's lighter.
- Oh, yeah. This is the best.
I could have carried two or three of these.
Have you found them yet?
No, Lord Helmet.
They're still not on the scanner.
Well, keep looking for them.
Pardon me, sir. I have an idea.
Corporal, get me the video cassette
of "Spaceballs: The Movie".
Yes, sir.
"The Producers", "Blazing Saddles",
"Young Frankenstein"...
- Colonel Sandurz, may I speak with you?
- Yes, sir.
How can there be a cassette
of