If you refuse me
Honey, you'll lose me
Then you'll be left alone
Oh baby, telephone
And tell me I'm your own
Check, please.
Five minutes to magic time.
Are you all right, my dear?
You look a little flighty.
Don't worry about me, Father.
I'm completely over him.
Didn't even stay for the wedding.
Just grabbed his million space bucks
and ran.
He didn't take the million.
He didn't?
No. He just took 248 space bucks
for lunch, gas and tolls.
I still can't believe
you turned down the money.
At least we could have stayed
for the wedding feast. I'm starving.
Have you got anything to eat?
Wait a minute.
Yogurt gave me that fortune cookie.
- Here, chow down.
- Wow, thanks. I'll split it with you.
- No.
- Okay.
- Yogurt!
- Hello, boys.
Well, you opened your fortune cookie,
so here's your fortune.
Lone Starr, you know that medallion
that you wear around your neck...
but you don't know what it means?
Here's what it means.
It's a royal birth certificate.
Yes! Your father was a king.
Your mother was a queen.
Which makes you a certified prince.
Hey, I'm a prince!
I'm a prince. Which means...
Which means, if you hurry,
there could be a princess in your future.
If you want to get back there
before she marries Sleeping Beauty...
there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.
- Good luck, boys.
- Bye, Yogurt.
- And, Yogurt, thanks.
- You're welcome.
And may the Schwartz be with you!
Barf, open that glove compartment.
You got it, Your Highness.
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!
- Quick, pour it in the emergency tank.
- Right.
Look at that.
Done!
Hang on, Barf,
we're gonna make spacetracks.
Dear me, what are those things
coming out of her nose?
Hey, watch my helmet.
Spaceballs?
Oh, shit. There goes the planet.
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here together...
again.
Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?
I didn't think it was important.
May I continue, please?
Besides, he asked me not to tell you.
Thank you.
To join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium...
I'm sorry, it's the hair.
Prince Valium
in the bonds of holy matrimony.
I see it all now. Don't you see? He loves me!
I'm trying to conduct a wedding here,
which has nothing to do with love.
- Please be quiet.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, too.
- Don't be sorry. Be quiet!
- I'm sorry!
To join Princess Vespa and Prince Valium...
in the bonds of holy...
moly!
Matrimony.
That's him! I know it's him. He's come back.
That's it! I'm gonna take no more chances.
We're doing the short version.
Prince Valium, do you take Princess Vespa
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Princess Vespa, do you take Prince Valium
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Well, I suppose.
Well... Oh, I don't know.
- No! She doesn't!
- What?
Who the hell are you?
Prince Lone Starr.
Prince?
I just found out. That's what this says.
I'm an honest to God prince.
Will you marry me?
Well, let me think about it.
Yes.
I'm sick of this. I don't give a damn who
it is, but I'm gonna marry somebody today!
- Who are you?
- I'm the best man.
- What's your name?
- Barf.
- Your full name.
- Barfolomew.
- Are you the one that's getting married?
- No.
Then get over there!
Okay, here we go. The short, short version.
- Do you?
- Yes.
- Do you?
- Yes!
Good. You're married. Kiss her.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm.- Colonel Sandurz!
- What is it, Sergeant Ricco?
You told me to let you know the moment
Planet Druidia was in sight, sir.
- So?
- Planet Druidia's in sight, sir.
You're really a Spaceball.
- You know that, don't you?
- Thanks, sir.
- Have you notified Lord Helmet?
- Yes, sir. He's on his way.
Make way for Dark Helmet.
All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet.
I can't breathe in this thing!
- We're