have to.
But, Daddy?
I don't love him.
I'm sorry, Vespa.
He's the last prince left in the galaxy.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
on this most joyous occasion
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp, and out the door!
Stop her! Someone, stop her! Stop her!
Hey, wait! You forgot to get married.
Will you stop?
- What are you doing?
- No questions, Dot. Get in!
Where is she going?! Where is she going?
Come ba...
...ck!
Barf...
Barf.
Ba-arf!
Huh?
- Barf?
- Always when I'm eating.
Barf!
- What can I do you for?
- Where you been?
- Grabbin' a snack. Want some?
- No.
- Little hair of the dog?
- No! Listen, answer that for me.
- Will you watch that?
- Oh, sorry.
I'll just throw on your audio.
That way they won't see you.
- Y'hello!
- Hello, Lone Starr.
Sorry, wrong switch.
Hello, Vinnie. What do you want?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not what I want.
It's what he wants.
Pizza The Hutt!
Well, if it isn't Lone Starr
and his sidekick, Puke.
- That's Barf.
- Barf, Puke, whatever!
- Where's my money?
- Don't worry. You'll have it by next week.
No, no. I gotta have it by tomorrow.
A hundred thousand space bucks...
by tomorrow?!
A hundred thousand?
No way! You forgot late charges,
which brings it up to,
uh... one million space bucks.
A million?! That's unfair.
Unfair to the pay-or,
but not to the pay-ee.
But you're gonna pay it
or else.
- Or else what?
- Tell him, Vinnie.
Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.
You're delicious.
Ciao, boys.
Can we talk?
OK, we all know Prince Valium is a pill.
But you could've married him for your
father, then had a headache for 25 years.
Will you turn that thing off?
What?
What is it?
I was saying,
do you realize what you've done?
Yes! And I'm glad.
Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad.
I wonder if she's glad.
Don't be ridiculous!
As president of Planet Spaceball,
I can assure both you and your viewers
that there's absolutely
no air shortage whatsoever.
Yes, of course.
I've heard the same rumour myself.
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges. Yes, bye.
Shithead!
President Skroob?
Yes?
This is Central Control.
Commanderette Zircon speaking, sir.
What is it?
Lord Helmet has just notified us
that Princess Vespa is in sight.
- And Spaceball One is closing in on her.
- Good, good.
We have both ships coming up
on the Teledar, sir, if you wish to observe.
- I'll be down immediately.
- Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
I don't know about that
beaming stuff. Is it safe?
Oh, yes, sir.
Snotty beamed me twice last night.
It was wonderful.
All right, I'll take a shot at it.
What the hell, it works on "Star Trek".
Snotty!
- Beam him down.
- Yes, sir. Immediately, sir.
Great beasties! His head!
- It's on backwards!
- Well, this is terrible! Do something!
I'm sorry, sir. There must have been
a micro-converter malfunction.
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?
Hold on, sir. We'll try to reverse the beam.
Could be the interlocking system.
Lock one. Lock two. Lock three.
Loch Lomond.
Are you all right, Mr President?
Fine, fine, no thanks to you.
- We'll beam you back, sir.
- Forget it, forget it. No more beaming.
This time I'm gonna walk!
President Skroob! Salute!
Hail, Skroob!
- Hello, President Skroob.
- Oh, uh...
- Hello, Charlene.
- I'm Marlene!
- Hello, Marlene.
- I'm Charlene!
Chew your gum.
- Where's the princess?
- Right there, sir.
To the left, approaching Spaceball One
at 1500 light leagues per minute.
Good, good! She's almost in our grasp.
Tell Dark Helmet
he must take the princess alive.
Princess Vespa's spaceship within range.
Good.
Fire a warning shot across her nose.
What's going on?
It's either the Fourth of July,
or someone's trying to kill us!
Hey, I don't have to put up with this.
I'm rich.
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling my father.
1-800-DRUIDIA.
Careful, you