So? Tell me about last night.
Are you kidding me?
Are you pulling my leg?
- So?
- So tits out to here.
- Some 20 years old.
- You must be fooling. You devil.
You think she hadn't gone the route?
- She knew the route, did she?
- Are you kidding? She wrote the route.
- So where am l?
- Probably at the Pancake House.
I'm over at the Pancake House, and this
chick walks over to the cash register.
19 or 20 years old.
She wants to buy a pack of Viceroys.
She gets the smokes and says
she forgot her purse up in her room.
- Was she a pro?
- At that age?
At this point, we don't know.
So we sit down and get coffee
and she says:
"Come up to my room
and I'll pay you back for the smokes."
- You're shitting me. Was she a pro?
- At this point, we don't know.
She says, "sit down, you want a drink?"
I say, "what have you got?" "Bourbon."
Then what shot does she pull?
A) she says:
"I think I'll take a shower".
- And B) she says: "Then let's fuck."
- She said that?
- Was she a pro?
- At this point, we don't know.
So I say: "I'll join you in the shower,
if you have no objections".
So in we go, and does she have a body?
Are you kidding me? The tits. The legs.
Are you fucking fooling me?
The ass on this broad.
- Young ass?
- Well, young broad, young ass.
So we get out and towel each other off
in his and her full glory.
While we're toweling off,
I flick the towel at her, -
- and by accident, I hit her on the ass,
and we got this big red mark.
I'm all sorry and so forth,
but what does this broad do -
- but let out a squeal of pleasure
that would fucking kill a horse.
What the hell, I'm liberal,
so I heave a chair at her.
- Draw blood?
- Not yet. But what does she say?
"Wait a minute!" She pulls out
a suitcase from under the bed -
- with a World War Il flak suit.
Zip, zip, she gets into the flak suit,
we get down on the bed.
- What are you doing?
- Fucking!
- But she's in a flak suit.
- She leaves the zipper open.
But the shot is,
every thirty seconds or so, -
- she wants me to go "BOOM"
at the top of my lungs.
So we're humping and pumping,
and every once in a while, I go "boom".
In the middle of everything,
she turns on a little tape recorder.
I don't know what the shot is.
All of a sudden I hear:
I'm pumping away, the tape recorder
is making airplane noises.
Every once in a while, I go "boom",
and the broad starts going crazy.
She's moaning and groaning -
- and screaming,
"Red Dog One to Red Dog Squadron".
Suddenly, she screams, "Wait!"
and pulls out a five-gallon jerry can.
It's full of gasoline.
She splashes it over the walls -
- pulls out a zippo and "whoosh",
the room goes up in flames.
So the tape recorder is going ... ,
the room is full of smoke -
- and the broad screams,
"Do it now, for the love of Christ!"
So I look at the broad,
and I figure, fuck this nonsense.
I struggle into my shorts,
make it to the elevator.
The place is filled with smoke.
The elevator arrives,
and the hall is filled with firemen.
- Those firemen make out like bandits.
- Nobody does it normally anymore.
These young broads don't know
what the fuck they want.
- You think she was a pro?
- A pro, Dan?
A pro is how you think of yourself.
See my point?
Come on you scumbags, last inning.
- Where, where?
- Right there.
Here comes Debbie's boss.
He looks good, let's see if he can hit.
Out!
No stick.
The second baseman has a nice ass.
I refuse to go out with a man,
whose ass is smaller than mine.
Your dates will be pretty scarce.
Nice catch, Danny.
I'm making a beer run. Anybody?
- Go get him.
- It's the guy with the cute ass.
Let me help you.
- Anytime I can give you a hand ...
- I'm finished. Give yourself a hand.
Mother's is giving a party tonight.
Winners and losers.
- Good game, Mr Carlson.
- I don't want to hear about it now.
- Steve, are you going to Mother's?
- I doubt it.
I've been meaning to mention
that it's stupid to fuck your boss.
It'