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This show is called "How I Ate Dog".
This show doesn't have a programme, because when it was done,
I looked at it...
and I realized I didn't want it to be shown to the public
because there was...
well, in theatre programme main elements [of the show] are included,
that is, author, director, performers, stage designer...
That would have been a list with one and the same name...
That is, text would have been impolite and immodest,
and I didn't want the public to read it before the show.
And there was also stage designer mentioned...
Also, there is no costume designer, I'm playing in
authentic mariner's robes,
only old-fashion. When I served,
it was the same, only dark blue.
Mariner's cap...
Well, real mariner's hat...hatband is the only thing...
with inscription "Pacific Navy", I had it on when I was serving...for about a year.
That is, this show is a part of my biography.
I really was born someday in a city in Siberia,
I went to school,
to university,
I served in Navy...
But...I'll step there now...just for a minute
to take off this shirt, watch, glasses and boots.
I'll come back there and that won't be me anymore,
rather a character of this show.
And for me...no matter how times I play this show
there is a big question within the show:
where am I and where is the character of this show?
[That's] because this character will be telling part of my biography
and practically it will be me, there will be no one left there.
That will be practically me.
The character hasn't been changed during the show, but I have been changed.
And I can tell for sure that character is better than I am.
I wanted success, applause, money and so on...
But he didn't wan [it], this character simply want to
live a normal life.
He doesn't know how to do it, but nevertheless.
And because of that I won't be here during the show, rather
the character will be there.
I will return after the show to bow before you. That will be me.
But I won't be here during the show, the character will be.
I will return to bow, as I've said, but now I'm saying goodbye to you,
have a nice sensations from the show.
You can applaude a little.
HOW I ATE THE DOG
Well...
it's always hard to begin.
That's because there's no...
there are no words for beginning the talk.
Although, we talk all the time,
to be exact, we frequently talk when there is no need to talk at all,
we understand ourselves we can't talk, but we just talk...
You go into your room.
This, for example, is your room.
You came in.
Alone.
That is, you came in completely alone.
Why should you talk in such case?
You came in...
and said...
So...
But what "so"? There's nothing "so" in the room.
And your life is not exactly...
And you said "so...". And if somebody saw you this moment
he'd get the impression that this man will take bull by the horns,
clean-up the house, clear-up things in his life...
But you came in, said "so...", stood a little bit
and went away.
You didn't start to do anything.
Or when you're on the phone...
Hallo...yes...yes...
exactly! when you're coming...
no, no, no...like this...
yes, correct, and then turn left, there will be way right at once,
and then there's garage...
Why are you doing so when you're on the phone?
Why?
Or like this...
And then you're bowing before Galina Petrovna...
That's phone!
Or you come home...
well, not 7pm, not 7:30pm, that is, right after work,
rather 2 am.
But you wanted to come [home] 7pm.
And you understand yourself, you have to come
home right after work at least once a week.
They're waiting for you, your family...
But you come 1:30am or 2am.
But the main thing...
The main thing is, if you were late and didn't come home right after work,
it's impossible to say...
to conclude right away that you will get drunk.
It's impossible to say you're a drunkard
and you entertain yourself with boozing.
You entrertain yourself....how to say this?...
You entertain yourself in general.
With

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