asleep,
yet I fell asleep.
Then I woke up for the last time as a deckhand.
And didn't feel a thing!
I didn't feel a thing.
I woke up for the last time in life as a deckhand,
got up for the last time in life as a deckhand,
went to lavatory, that is, to latrine for the last time in life as a deckhand,
did everything there as deckhand was supposed to do for the last time in life
as a deckkhand,
returned to cockpit, arranged the bunk,
I never felt comfortable on this bunk, never,
little, iron, sieve bunk which from one side was attached to board,
from other side it was hanging on cords.
I never felt comfortable on it!
But I arranged it and thought:
today someone else will be sleeping on this bunk,
but this is my bunk.
And I didn't like it.
I arranged my bunk for the last time in life as a deckhand,
I ate breakfast for the last time in life as a deckhand,
I got dressed for the last time in life as a deckhand,
and went for the last time in life to see how military flag
of my country is being but up from within a deckhand.
I saw it for the last time in life.
And I was free to go home.
Until this three years I was not allowed to go home,
but now I was allowed to.
They began bidding be farewell, it was noisy around,
they gave me papers with adressed and phone numbers,
they yelled: deckahd, dry land ????
Make impression on those girls!
Then everybody dispersed. Commander came to me,
commanding officer of our ship.
He came
shook my hand with his strong, dry hand,
and for the first time in sevice looked me in the eye.
He looked. And there was such light...
It was mornig, sun was not high,
I saw...how to say? Inner part of his eye.
He looked me in the eye with those eyes and said:
Thank you for service, sonny.
And went away so sad...
I thought: why didn't I saw earlier he was such a nice man?
He is very nice.
And most terrible is that he doesn't know I know now he is nice man.
I will write him a letter, for sure. I will write a letter
and thank for making a man out of me, thank you, mother are content.
Anyway, thanks. Most important: I have learned you are
very nice man.
I will write to all of you, buddies.
Everybody will visit me and I will visit everybody.
I didn't write to anybody. I didn't see anyone, even by accident.
[We could have] met each other somewhere by newsstand in Moscow.
He came from some other city, I came...
[we could have] met each other by accidend in metro station.
Bro, you?
No shit! Attaboy! Give me five!
"You hadn't changed a shit."
I would say him something alike.
Where? There. But me - here.
You know...
let's better exchange adresses, just leave me your phone number,
call me, visit my, I have normal...
Then we would part like this: give me five!
Bye! Save yourself! And...
And he, also...
Then I left the ship and cried.
I cried
I went down the pier,
turned back every minute and waved my mariner's hat,
guys, too, waved mariner's hats, yelled something,
they, also, almost cried.
Not because they loved me so much, but because...it can be understood.
It's so frightening when someone goes away and you stay.
I went home. And whole russian fleet parted with me.
Whole. Starting with Petr I, Ushakov, Nekhimov, Lazarev...
Everybody parted with me. I went away.
I went, cried.
I didn't know I wasn't there anymore and there was no home.
I was there where I always am.
Look, now I am standing here.
And now I am here.
What do I understand about this location?
I understand something about that location.
But what do I understand about this one?
Then I went, cried...
What life did I have until then?
Life like this. Every moment on the verge of something.
School, exams ahead. Passed the exams, other ones ahead.
Passed those, it's needed to join.
Entering exams. Joined. And there: exams, exams, exams...
and there is such unbelievable military sevice ahead...
military service began...there "want to go home, want to go home" all the time.
It has