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Bitterman, stop the car!
Stop it, stop the car.
Girls! Girls!
Hello, girls!
Would the more attractive
of you please step forward?
God! That's funny!
No, actually,
you're both very attractive.
Would the one who thinks I'm
attractive please step forward?
Quickly as possible!
Time is money!
What'd you have in mind?
VD I'm really into penicillin.
Now that's funny!
Actually, what I had in mind. . .
. . .was spending the evening
with a stranger who loves me.
It's going to cost you $1 00.
Oh, yeah?
What time do you get off work?
No, I'm kidding!
Let's make it $200.
But I will ask you to Simoniz my car.
Has there been a death
in your family?
This is funny stuff here.
Let's go.
Bitterman, give her. . .
. . .give her friend $1 00.
She came in second.
Who is that guy?
I'd rather not say.
I think I know.
I saw his picture in the paper.
-That's Arthur Bach, isn't it?
-What if it is?
Is there something wrong with him?
Yes.
Permit me to introduce myself.
Where in the hell's my hat?
It's on the floor.
I hate it when that happens.
I am Arthur.
I'm Gloria.
-I am Arthur.
-Yeah. What're you drinking?
Scotch. Would you like some?
Why not?
You're with me and
you can ask that question?
What's so funny now?
I sometimes just
think funny things!
What do you do for a living?
I race cars. I play tennis...
...I fondle women, but...
...I have weekends off
and I am my own boss.
The Plaza, and step on it!
Sir, if I may say so. . . .
Go through the park.
You know how I love the park!
Can I have another drink?
Isn 't this fun?!
Isn 't fun the best thing to have?!
Don 't you wish you were me?
I know I do!
Isn't that Arthur Bach?
I fell out of the goddamned car!
Is that the funniest thing ever?!
Are you hurt, sir?
I fell out of the car!
Isn't that the funniest thing ever?
You had to be there, right?
You are quite amusing, sir.
Please get my drink.
After all, we're going to the bar.
Thank you so much.
Madame, I'm sorry,
but we have absolutely no--
Don't give me any stuff, buster!
It's all right,
the lady's with me.
Mr. Bach! How good to see you!
If only someone
I knew felt that way!
We have your regular table,
Mr. Bach.
I know you have it,
but is anyone sitting at it?
It's all right. They're used
to seeing me with the turtle.
Uncle Peter! And Aunt Pearl!
You're looking well.
Thank you!
Aunt Pearl, may I say
you're looking younger every day.
Doesn't Aunt Pearl
look wonderful, darling?
She looks great.
We haven't had the pleasure
of meeting this young woman.
Would you introduce us?
How stupid of me!
Princess Gloria, may I
introduce my aunt and uncle. . .
. . .Peter and Pearl Bach.
How are you?
Princess? Did you say
''Princess,'' Arthur?
There's a very small country
in the West Indies. I mean small.
I see. Thank you.
It's terribly small.
Tiny little country.
Rhode Island could
beat the crap out of it in a war.
That's how small it is.
It's small.
It's very little. . . .
It's 85 cents in a cab
from one end to the other.
I'm talking small!
We understand it's small, Arthur.
They recently had
the whole country carpeted.
This is not a big place.
We understand that it's small, Arthur.
And we also understand
that you are very drunk.
So why don't we meet again
when you're sober?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
Grow up, Arthur.
You'd make a fine adult.
That's easy for you to say.
You haven't got
50 pairs of short pants. . .
. . .hanging in your closet!
It's the regular table!
Wait a minute. . .
. . .regular chair.
How rich are you?
All I can tell you is. . .
. . .I wish I had a dime
for every dime I have.
The service here is terrible.
Where the hell's my drink?
-We just ordered!
-That's always their excuse.
Engine room,
where the hell's my drink?!
Are you married?
There's only one woman for me.
And I can't stand her.
Her name is Susan.
I can't tell you her last name.
It would be indiscreet.
Johnson.
Susan Johnson.

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