There's nothing to tell!
He's just some guy I work with!
C'mon, you're going out with the guy!
There's gotta be something wrong with him!
All right Joey, be nice.
So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Wait, does he eat chalk?
Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Okay, everybody relax.
This is not even a date.
It's just two people going out to dinner and-
not having sex.
Sounds like a date to me.
Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria,
and I realize I am totally naked.
Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone...
there.
- Instead of...?
- That's right.
- Never had that dream./No.
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
Now I don't know what to do,
everybody starts looking at me.
And they weren't looking at you before?!
Finally, I figure I'd better answer it,
and it turns out it's my mother,
which is very-very weird,
because- she never calls me!
Hi.
This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Are you okay, sweetie?
I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine,
pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Cookie?
Carol moved her stuff out today.
- Let me get you some coffee.
- Thanks.
No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura!
No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Fine!  Be murky!
I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope
she'll be very happy.
- No you don't.
- No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
And you never knew she was a lesbian...
No!! Okay?!
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
She didn't know, how should I know?
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
Did I say that out loud?
I told mom and dad last night,
they seemed to take it pretty well.
Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M.,
"I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren."
was what?  A wrong number?
Sorry.
Alright Ross, look.
You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
You're angry. You're hurting.
Can I tell you what the answer is?
Strip joint!
C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
I don't want to be single, okay?
I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
And I just want a million dollars!
- Rachel?!
- Oh God Monica hi! Thank God!
I just went to your building and you weren't there and
then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here
and you are, you are!
- Can I get you some coffee?
- De-Caff
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,
another Lincoln High survivor.
This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and-
you remember my brother Ross?
- Hi, sure!
- Hi.
So you wanna tell us now,
or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding.
I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,
and I was looking at this gravy boat.
This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat.
When all of a sudden-
Sweet 'n' Lo?-
I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat
than by Barry!
And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me:
how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.
Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but...
Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering
'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'
So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart,
but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ,
and she's really not happy about it.
Tuna or egg salad?  Decide!
I'll have whatever Christine is having.
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him!
I'm sorry. I just don't love him.
Well, it matters to me!
If I let go of my hair,
my head will fall off.
Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
I say push her down the stairs.