had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.
Why would I have the keys?
Aside from the fact that you said you had them?
But I didn't.
Well, you should have.
Why?
Because!
Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone?
You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want?
Nooooo, no, no! Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
Well, the turkey's burnt. Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.
Here we come, walkin' down the? this doesn't smell like Mom's.
No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.
Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?
You call that delicious?
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
Ooh.
What?
Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven.
Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Girl.
I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!
Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!
It's nice that he has someone.
Shall I carve?
By all means.
Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?
I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
Does anybody wanna split this with me?
Oh, I will.
Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.
Make a wish?
Come on, you know, Thanksgiving.
Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?
The bigger half.
I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding.
I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know,
I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting.
Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff,
we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
That's so sweet.
And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
And a crappy New Year.
Here, here!
Bladder Control Problem
Stop Wife Beating
Hemorrhoids?
Winner of 3 Tony Awards...The One With the Monkey
Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.
Oooh!
W-wait. What is that?
'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?
No, no, I don't.
Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?
My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!
Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?
Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Why don't you just get a roommate?
Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe-
....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.
So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Might wanna open with the snowman.
Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.
So, how'd it go?
Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.
I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager.
He's not even jolly, it's all political.
So what are you gonna be?
Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's?
Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?
Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible