how.
What's wrong? You didn't
get anything good, or...
I didn't get shit.
Not even a "happy birthday."
My whole family
just sort of blew it off.
I'd freak if my family
forgot my birthday.
It's a brand-new year.
I'm 16. Everything
should be platinum.
I should be happy, right? Right?
Yeah.
Well, I can't get happy.
It is physically impossible
for me to get happy.
Would you feel better if you
knew one of my secrets, or...
Don't gross me out.
No, we're not talking
gross here.
No. It's...
It's just embarrassing.
[Exhaling] This information
cannot leave this room, okay?
It would devastate
my reputation as a dude.
No problem.
[Clears Throat]
I've never bagged a babe.
I'm not a stud.
[Giggling]
I got the rep
in sixth grade.
And it, like,
it stuck with me.
I'm still on hold.
Look, I'd appreciate
you not laughing here, okay?
[Laughing]
I'm sorry.
That's not what I meant.
I meant...
Hey, time out,
junior.
[Horn Honking]
[Exhales]
Pardon me.
It's okay.
I meant that it's okay
that you did it once,
but I didn't mean
for you to do it again!
I'm sorry.
[Sighing]
Sorry.
You know,
just now I really felt
how much you like me.
You're probably zoning in
on my brain waves or something.
Well, not really.
I felt it on my leg.
Come on.
I don't want to see it!
Oh.
Sorry if I embarrassed you.
I'm not embarrassed.
Fresh breath's a priority in my life.
I don't want
to hurt your feelings,
'cause it's really human of you
to listen to my bullshit.
I care about it, really.
I mean...
I know I came on kinda like
a poozer on the bus tonight
and everything.
But that's just so
my friends won't think,
you know, I'm a jerk.
But they're all pretty much
jerks, though, aren't they?
Yeah, but the thing is,
I'm kinda like the leader.
Kinda like the king
of the dipshits.
Well, that's pretty cool.
Hey, but a lot can happen
over a year.
I mean, you could
come back next fall
as a completely normal person.
Yeah?
Sure.
Would it be totally
off the wall if...
if I asked if I could
have sex with you?
Yeah, well, you askin' me is not
as off the wall as why I won't.
- V.D.?
- [Laughing] No.
I'm sorta saving myself.
It's really stupid.
He doesn't even know I exist.
Who?
Who?
Jake Ryan.
You like Jake?
Ja...
Jake's my boy!
I just talked to Jake
in the gym.
He asked me
about you.
Did not!
He did too. He did!
He asked me what you were like.
Oh, my... Oh! If you're lying,
I'll beat the crap outta you.
I'm not lying.
Oh, my God!
What should I do?
Should I go up to him?
Should I say, "Hi, Jake,
I'm Samantha"? Maybe
I should let him come to me.
This is not my department.
But what if I let him
come to me, and he forgets?
What if he changes
his mind? Then I'm
totally screwed, right?
Apparently so.
[Sighing]
What would you do
if you were me?
I'm a gamblin' man
by nature.
And, um,
I'd go for it.
This is so strange.
But I think I will.
Oh, you're the best.
- Wait, um...
- What?
Do you know anything
about floppy disks?
We'll talk about this
on the bus, okay?
The thing is, I got a problem.
Floppy disks
are pretty expensive.
I made a bet
with my friends,
the... the dipshits.
Um,
I bet them
that I'd do it with you.
This was before I knew you. I can
get proof without getting physical.
How?
Can I borrow your underpants
for ten minutes?
(music)Hope you're feelin'(music)
(music) Time (music)
(music)[Continues]
I think it's time to blow this
thing off and go to your house.
Yeah?
I told Tracy and Robin
and those guys to come
to your parents' house, okay?
I told 'em
not to tell anybody.
God, I love it when
your parents are out of town,
I fantasize
that I'm your wife,
and we're the richest,
most popular adults in town.
I owe all my great weekends
to you.
What's your problem?
What?
You've been acting
weird all night.
Are you screwing around?
Me? Are you crazy?
I don't know, Jake.
I'm getting strange signals.
Well, they're