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Хрусталёв, машину!

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"Same as it ever was and
will be evermore:
a horsie and a little boy
brave the bitter cold... "
All my life I thought my
grandmother wrote that -
no, she wasn't a poet -
that's funny.
Back in the day
our street was lined
with Persian lilac.
It disappeared, suddenly.
And there's hardly anyone
that remembers it -
not that they died,
just forgot, that's all.
That February night
of 1953
the stoker at a
fur dealer's...
So this stoker Fedia Aramyshev,
aka Condom...
If you please...
Funny.
I'm not looking!
I'm not looking!
Fellas, I was just
passing by!
Call the furrier.
Tell them the stoker
has been arrested.
…a purple negro fetched
your cloak…
Why the hell purple?
Sit still until someone
comes to get you.
Or I'll tear out your tongue
and shove it up your own ass.
Got it. Got it, comrade.
Thank you.
...the parrot.. shrieks...
I lost a Bure watch.
Before the Revolution watches
were called Bure.
Dreams, dreams, dreams…
That's me - back then.
HRUSTALEV, GET THE CAR!
Part 1
Stop! Stop that asswipe!
Who you calling asswipe?
I'll show you asswipe -
I was getting the doctor.
You're the fucking asswipe!
I am no Russian, but...
I'm at the Worker's Paper.
Allow me shake your hand.
How about a leg?
I'm the asswipe.
Dr. Marmeladova, from the 6th.
Everything is under control.
Keep your head raised!
Rainboots in the winter?
I got boots and you
got an umbrella.
And look at you now.
A veterinarian fell into
a stupor...
...you need a cane, not
a walker!
And this! Your bed stinks
of salami...
...I cannot conquer my dreams.
Leave it!
...fell into a stupor.
His wife thought he was
dead... what?
Idiot, I'm smelling for
mothballs!
What? What?
Nadezhda, better check
our accounts.
What did you get at
Eliseev's yesterday?
Aleksei, bring my pencil.
Too late for bathroom!
We have to go!
Kolia, is your car working?
Take me to the poor house,
immediately!
Breakfast is cancelled, we're
off to the poor house.
My cousins are Jews
and we're Russians.
Their parents were exiled
to the north…
Alesha, you're something else!
Mother, up on the furnace!
Electric.
Purple negro… What color
is that?
That color.
Your daddy...
Everyone, beat it!
Tell them what I told you.
Tania! Go on.
The czar sleeps.
...I'm very grateful...
I'll hang myself...
Thanks a million.
In parting, I would like
to say,
about female dignity -
the whole house is laughing
behind your back!
Let go!
We are not slaves!
Come on, Funtik!
They're all scum!
Tea?
Aleksei, is the parrot screaming?
Yes. A cock would have croaked.
Everyone to the table!
Kissing a smoker is like
licking an ashtray.
Hush, monkey.
Norhtern lights pierce the sky
like fiery swords.
We'll never see them again.
Poetry floats up in my memory,
like ships in a fog.
With cheese? Ok.
With salami? Ok.
Did you read the article
in the Red Star?
Did you read it?
Ha! You can't even read!
Let our voice be heard
by all the progressive
people of the earth.
We are not against Jews,
we are against Zionists.
Nations are equal, ideologies
are not.
To confuse the two would
be criminal.
Now, you can interpret that
in different ways.
For example, my father
is in the Navy…
Bastards, bastards!
I will fight every one of you!
Leave your buttons,
idiot!
Buttons, where are they?
Bastards!
Your medal?
Take off your hat.
…a limo has to be black…
Attention!
Comrade Major General
of the medical service.
You, there, you got ink
on your face.
Attention!
Officers, sirs!
The chamber pot.
Hurray!
Shura, what's this all about?
Beat it.
Is this what you want?
I said, beat it!
Shura, I swear! I would
go myself…
Yura, I'm horribly
embarrassed.
Enough, enough.
My father was in charge of
a major hospital,
operated on open skulls.
Dreamt of a bird, what's that
about, General?
A letter, probably…
…nailed it shut from the
other side...
How do you get in?
By the other door.
Get an axe!
...where
Хрусталёв, машину!

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