this perfectly ordinary steel nail.
Now I shall place the framed glass
in this brown, unprepared,
unprepared, mark you,
ladies and gentlemen,
unprepared brown paper bag.
I shall now attempt to drive
the steel nail through the glass
without breaking the glass.
"Lmpossible," I can hear you say.
We shall see.
He ain't very good,
even if he is a professor.
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
Ladies, please don't go.
Don't leave now
and regret lost opportunities later.
You, youngster.
Would you care to warble
like the storied nightingale?
With this inexpensive device,
you can charm the very birds
down from the trees, like so.
- How much?
- For you, sir, one penny.
One copper coin of the realm.
I'm very surprised at you
wandering off like this.
We found him for you, miss.
We found Professor Browne.
Don't work. I've been cheated.
Is that Professor Browne?
It is indeed, my dear.
How may I serve you?
Would you be interested in
the mating call of the Brazilian bird,
known as the bird of love?
Very useful, eh?
You're the headmaster of the
Emelius Browne College of Witchcraft?
The late headmaster.
The college, alas, is now defunct.
Professor Browne,
I am one of your pupils.
My dear lady, you are indeed
an ornament to the college.
- Splendid.
- Not at all.
I was shocked when you
closed down the college
without that most important
last lesson.
I'm sorry, my dear. No refunds.
Look at your contract.
But I must have the spell
that comes with the last lesson.
The matter is closed.
I bid you good day.
I have an appointment at my club
for squash rackets.
The matter is not closed.
- Don't let him get away.
- Righto.
Here we are.
Will you get this child off my leg?
Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee.
Now I trust you'll behave
more like a gentleman.
Look out!
There goes another rabbit.
What was all that about?
I changed you into a rabbit
with one of your own spells.
My spell? From my school?
Not one of your best spells.
It doesn't last.
Some of your others are much better.
But I don't understand. My spell?
They were just nonsense words
from an old book.
They work perfectly well for me.
They work for you?
Good woman, some kind of destiny
has brought us together.
You got these spells
out of some old book, you say?
More or less.
I changed them round a bit.
I gave them a bit of
my own style, as it were.
The old sorcerers did have
a bit of a tendency to waffle on.
But dear lady, I never thought
I'd meet somebody like you.
What a treasure.
Mr. Browne, will you please
stick to the point?
I would like
to see this book immediately.
Certainly. It's at my new townhouse.
Would you care to join me for luncheon?
We can discuss my ideas
at the same time.
Thank you. We'd be delighted.
We shall all go together.
- On the bed?
- On the bed, Paul.
You go round the other side.
I always travel on the left.
Will you give the address
to Paul, please?
May I ask how we are going
to get there on this bed? Fly?
My dear Professor,
with your own traveling spell.
The one you gave with the course
as a bonus.
My traveling spell?
That works as well?
Just give the address, please.
8 Winchfield Road.
Bed, take us to 8 Winchfield Road.
Madam, is this vehicle safe?
Perfectly safe.
A bit theatrical, perhaps,
but then most good spells are.
We're here.
I would never have believed it.
You must've given us the wrong address.
You don't live here, do you?
In fact, I do.
Temporarily, at any rate.
I found the front door open.
The house was deserted.
Everyone has left the neighborhood.
Why should they do that?
This probably has
something to do with it.
Merciful heavens!
You should be terrified
at the very idea of living here.
You'd have thought so.
I am by nature a little bit of a coward.
But then I pondered.
In the perverse nature of things,
this diabolical object
is probably the best friend
I've ever had.
It enables me, for the first time
in my life,