You've come to the right place, 'cause
you got the pearls, we got the swine.
Before I turn my hormones loose...
I did have something official that I wanted
to discuss with you in private.
Forgive me, but I thought most of your
official duties consisted of a lot of this.
No. While you have been occupied
in fishing loose diaphragms...
out of the swimming pool filters...
I have been engaged in matters
of the utmost importance...
to everyone on this island.
We don't have a swimming pool.
Nevertheless, if you do have a nook
which is not actually knee-deep...
in seminal fluid, I do think
it's rather important we have a chat.
I'll try and find a dry spot, and we'll talk.
But if you're really interested
in something wonderful...
I think you should check out the woman
in the blue, possibly silk, top.
Why should I check her out?
Because she's a writer for
The New York Times travel section...
and if you charm her pants off
and drive her to China...
she might write a real nice piece
about this place.
Drinks on the house. Doubles.
- Lf you think it will help.
- Bless you.
Oh, dear. Am I too late for the main event?
No, I think the guests will be allowed
to graze for a few more minutes...
- Before the alleged entertainment begins.
- May I join you?
I guess that's how it works.
The fireman told me to check you out.
I believe you're a journalist?
Will you scribble a little something
about this place?
I wouldn't know what to say. It sort of
reminds me of a Japanese POW camp.
- What do you do?
- Guess.
Too tan to hold a respectable job.
Retired millionaire?
Hardly. I haven't any money anywhere.
That's why people like me
live in the West Indies.
It's one of the best places in the world
in which to be poor.
No little mouths to feed?
There was one very big mouth,
but my wife left me several years ago.
Couldn't stand the tropics?
Loved the tropics.
It was me she couldn't stand.
- You want to make our move?
- Let's sit down.
All right then, let's do it.
- Which one do you want?
- I'll take the brown hair.
- They both have brown hair.
- I'll take the banana.
- Okay.
- Cool.
Good evening, ladies.
Mind if my father and I join you?
You look so familiar. Were you
at Club Med Martinique last year?
- No.
- Club Universal in Hawaii?
- No.
- Swingles in Fort Lauderdale?
- No.
- You know what I think?
I think we met in another life.
- Do you have anything to smoke?
- Unreal!
- Are you kidding?
- You must be psychic.
We were just talking about that before,
getting stoned.
I thought we were the only two heads
on the lsland.
I tell you what, we're going to go out
and cop some primo Cannabis sativa. 
And the four of us will get
totally demented. What do you think?
- Stoned out of our gourds. Okay?
- Catch you in a while?
Save our seats. We'll be right back, okay?
Right here waiting for you.
- Really?
- No seeds.
No seeds? Nice and clean?
We should come with you,
is this what you're saying?
- Okay, so we'll do that now?
- Where's your friend?
Yeah, he's right there.
Okay, I'm going to get him.
Bar, Bar. We're out of here. Let's go.
So what's the deal?
The deal is,
major score of domestic homegrown...
uncut, pure weed, happening here tonight.
Major score.
- All right.
- Okay? All right?
- How far is it?
- Not far.
- How long is it going to take to get there?
- Not long. Relax.
Like how long? Five minutes?
Ten minutes? Half an hour?
He said, "Soon come." You know what
that means? Lt means it's coming soon.
It takes 45 minutes to get a drink
on this island.
- How long is it going to take?
- Will you relax? The deal's done.
So let me get this get this straight.
The deal is that we're riding in a car...
with a guy we don't even know.
He's wearing sunglasses in the middle
of the night, taking us up into a jungle.
Some godforsaken...
Nice deal, good negotiating. That's good.
Why don't we just hand him our wallets
and slit our