old tugboat heaves into port...
our Prime Minister starts scurrying around
like a mongoose in heat.
- What do they want with a dive like this?
- Frankly, I can't imagine, but...
as the representative of Great Britain...
I feel it may be a matter of vital interest
to my government.
I would even say that if someone,
perhaps someone with nothing to lose...
who may be leaving the island anyway,
were to get on board that ship...
and provide some useful intelligence,
my government might be very grateful.
No. Thank the Queen for me...
but tell her my brother's a queen and even
he doesn't want me to spy for England.
Nah. Thanks, but no thanks.
What if the crew wakes up?
They're all at the marina bar. Don't worry,
I'll be on and off in two minutes.
You stay here and honk
if there's any trouble...
Wait a minute!
This is helium. God damn it!
I brought the wrong tank.
Forget it. I'll go without it.
- Jack, I'm going with you, man.
- Fine, we'll both go.
Oh, that's a nice buzz.
Oh, boy.
Shh!
Come on.
What are you, a duck? Come on.
What is it?
It's the new Saint Nicholas.
Yeah, I see their plan now.
There's a new international airport...
high-rise hotels...
- Iots of luxury condos for the rich folks.
- Where's my house?
Right there,
next to the nuclear power plant.
But the good news is you won't have
far to walk to work in that factory...
where they'll probably have you
sewing labels on designer jeans.
Where's our club?
I've seen the future, Sparky,
and we're not in it.
- Freeze!
- Police!
- What are you doing out here?
- Just seeing that all is well.
- Is it?
- No.
Guard! Guard!
What you wanting, man?
Nothing. I just always
wanted to do that with a cup.
Hey...
you said I was allowed one call. A blue jay.
Will you please hold my messages?
Come on, look on the bright side. I heard
this place is going co-ed in a month.
This is just the beginning, man.
We know too much now.
We got the best beach on the island,
and they know it.
And they ain't gonna stop until they get it.
This may be a Garden of Eden,
but Gundy's not God and I'm not moving.
Good morning, gentlemen.
- I trust you had a pleasant night.
- Oh, it was fabulous.
You got yourself a real flea circus
going here. Come on, boy, jump.
I won't mince words with you,
Mr. Moniker.
There are some very important people
with very important plans for this island.
- We must have your property.
- Over my dead body, Mr. Gundy.
- That too can be arranged, Ernest.
- You hold it right there, pal.
I got friends in low places, too.
You start pushing people around,
sometimes people might push back.
Be that as it may, Mr. Moniker...
you have until tonight
to sell us Club Paradise.
And if we don't?
Then you will be very, very sorry.
Now you both are free to go.
Your lady friend paid your fine.
Attack.
- So I'll see you there.
- I'm coming.
Hell, no.
So long, Constable.
You won't have Jack Moniker to kick
around anymore, even though you tried.
Yep, this is one guy you don't have
to beat twice with a rubber hose.
I got the message.
Nobody do that to me
and get away with it.
All right, Ernest, all right.
What's going on?
What did you do last night?
- Why did you go out to the yacht?
- Well, I went a little crazy. I got paranoid.
I thought that people were out to get me.
Now I know. They are out to get me.
There they are now.
- What about the law?
- The law?
Babe, this is the only country
where the constitution is written in pencil.
- It is so lovely here.
- I hate beauty.
Do you realize how boring it gets
looking at beauty day in and day out?
Anyway, it can't last much longer.
Are you always this cheerful
in the morning?
My dear, the Americans will move in
and turn it into Miami Beach...
or the Russians and Cubans will come and
turn the whole island into bloody Albania.
There really is no hope.
Islands like Saint Nicholas
make such nice missile bases...
naval stations, money