second left.
There's the hotel. Hey, look,
there's Big Ben and there's Parliament.
There it is!
I know, I can't seem to get over to the left.
I'll try next time.
Sorry. We'll get out of this jam
in a minute.
Kids, Big Ben, Parliament, again.
Kids.
- We know. Big Ben.
- Parliament.
That son of a bitch!
Look, kids. Forget it.
It's amazing. I cannot get left!
There's Big Ben, Parliament.
"When it's time to relax
One thing stands clear
"Beer after beer
"If you got the time
"We got the beer"
"Reach out, reach out and touch someone
"Reach out, call up and just say, 'Hi"'
What's the matter?
I can't stand it.
I'll never make it through two weeks.
Two weeks is nothing.
It's 14 times as long as yesterday,
and yesterday lasted...
...an eternity.
Why don't you call him?
- Are you crazy?
- What could happen?
Dad could rip out my tongue, that's what.
He wouldn't even notice
if you kept it short.
Okay, I'll just say hello
and good-bye. Short.
I wonder if anything good's on TV.
Should I watch cheese or snow?
- Hello?
- Hello, Jack.
Oh, God, Jack, I miss you so much.
- Do you miss me?
- Yes.
- Really?
- Yes.
I miss you so much it hurts.
- I got to go.
- What?
- I have to eat.
- Your mom's calling you to dinner?
Okay, I'll hold.
- Can we stop? I'm hungry.
- Yeah, Dad. Rusty's hungry.
We've got a schedule to keep.
That's it!
That's the way I want my hair cut!
You don't want to look like a rooster,
do you?
There's Buckingham Palace,
where the Queen lives and works.
Works? What does she do?
She queens and vacuums.
We'd like to check out, please.
Yeah, Mr. Greaseball.
Let's tally up your bill.
Will we really have time
to see Stonehenge?
No problem.
I've calculated the driving time.
If we skip lunch,
we'll make the plane to Paris.
I'm sick of English food. I feel like a blimp.
You look fine.
Don't I just sign?
Pig in a Poke takes care of this.
- It does not include the telephone bill.
- We just made a couple of local calls.
That will be...
...$253 American.
- You're mistaken.
- How could that be?
Who the hell called Chicago?
Audrey, your father
didn't really mean what he said.
Yes, he did.
Not really, honey.
He has nothing against Jack.
He's not really going to cut off his balls.
Are you, Clark?
Okay, I won't.
Let's relax and enjoy the countryside.
This country is eons old, kids.
That's centuries, to you and me.
Charming, isn't it?
It looks like Massachusetts.
It stands to reason. The English settled
Massachusetts. The old pilgrims.
Plymouth Rock. That's where it started.
And speaking of rocks...
See that? That's Stonehenge. Fantastic.
What the hell is this?
Nobody knows for sure. Some think
it's a calendar or an astronomer's tool.
Others think it was built
by men from outer space.
The consensus is that it's
an ancient timepiece built by the Druids.
Whatever, it's been here a long time.
Since 2,000 years before Christ.
It's bound to be here 1,000 more.
Stand over there.
Act like you're setting your watch.
This must be where they sacrificed virgins.
God, I miss Jack.
We've got to go
if we want to catch that plane.
You're right.
Let's go, Russ!
Come on!
Take a last look, kids...
...at one of man's most curious creations.
Built to stand the test of time
and the elements.
War. You name it.
A thing of glory
for a million future generations to see.
And we were here.
Gay Paris. The City of Lights.
This is the famous Left Bank.
Can you guess what's on the other side?
The Bank of America.
Everybody, get closer to the fountain.
If we get any closer, we'll get all wet.
It'll be a good shot.
The Griswalds in front of a fountain.
Major entertainment.
Russ, get in the middle.
Let me take it.
You haven't been in any of them.
I got a good idea.
Monsieur, excusez-moi.
Clark Griswald. United States of America.
My family and I.
Would you take a picture of us?
Je ne comprends pas.
Could you photograph us?
- Oui, oui.
-