One.
This won't take long.
My dear, sweet brother Numsy!
I can see that you're busy right now.
I'll come back some other time.
There are no keys in the car!
Come on, come on!
- Everything's going to be OK.
- I know.
Fasten your seatbelt, kid.
Did somebody give you a Valium,
or what?
This must happen a lot where
you're from. I'm gonna shit on myself!
Hey, Goldie!
You ain't going to help me with
the chain, just keep running, right?
Hey, wait!
- How long are you going to be?
- Two weeks.
- You drop the kid off and come back.
- Yes!
Good!
Listen, I bought this for you.
You put that on and no one will mess
with your head while you're here.
Good? Good.
You don't want to go to Tibet
with a big... on your head.
That is a cool trick. Did you ever
think about going into show business?
I could be your partner,
I'd throw a rock at you,
and you'd make it float off
and hit the wall. Standing ovations.
Do they have
Ed MacMahon's Starsearch in Tibet?
Probably not.
They probably have Foodsearch.
We could go on Starsearch and we can give the
audience rocks and let them throw them at you.
You could move your hand
and make them hit MacMahon... hard.Don't let him touch you!
Butt Pie.
There's a sequel to a book written
called Butt Cake.
Very popular at the news-stands.
About a butt with cake all over it.
Chunky Asses?
Welcome to the Mel Backman Journal.
I'm Mel Backman.
Wlth me today is Chandler Jarrell
who's doing something
very vital for the community.
Chandler is a finder of lost children.
Am I correct?
- Yes, I find missing children.
- That's very interesting.
There was a show called Finder
of Lost Loves. Did you see that?
- Tony Franciosa was the star.
- Yeah...
- I'm looking for this girl...
- I hope you're not nervous.
It's perfectly normal. This is
my fifth show and I'm still nervous.
In fact, is there anyone here
who's not nervous? Are you nervous?
I'm trying to find this girl, Cheryl Mosely,
who disappeared a while back...
This is wonderful. It's what
the programme is all about.
When I came here, I told them I didn't
want to be another Merv or Johnny.
I want to do the kind of programming
that's responsive to the community.
I'm trying to find Cheryl Mosely.
She's four foot, eleven...
This is wonderful.
If I want to get into your line of work,
is there a course I can take?
- You just have to care about children.
- Do you recommend this line of work?
- Can you make a lot of money?
- She's 16...
This is off the subject,
but that's a wonderful hat.
Where did you get that?
- She's 16 and I'm trying to find her...
- Great, let's say you do find her.
What would be the first thing
you'd say to her?
- Her name is Cheryl Mosely...
- Thank you, Chandler.
Let's talk about tortoises.
What have you got here?
- This is Teddy, who is 80 years old.
- 80?
- Isn't he darling?
- Teddy can kiss my ass.
I'm trying to find this girl,
Cheryl Mosely.
She was last seen
on Vineland in North Hollywood.
She had on a sweater and a skirt.
Call me on 468 84 92 if you have...
Shut up. If you have any information
about her, please contact me.
If you don't put the camera back,
I'll bust your ass. Leave it on me.
Cheryl Mosely, Chandler Jarrell,
24 hours a day, 468 84 92.
Now you can talk with the tortoises.
Excuse me.
Thank you. That was Chandler Jarrell.
You've had a sex change?
OK, let's go. Take it slow, now.
Tie him, tie him.
Why are you hanging
in the