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Don't let him touch you!
Butt Pie.
There's a sequel to a book written
called Butt Cake.
Very popular at the news-stands.
About a butt with cake all over it.
Chunky Asses?
Welcome to the Mel Backman Journal.
I'm Mel Backman.
And here with me today is Chandler Jarrell
who's doing something
very vital to the community.
or for the community, I should say
Because Chandler is a finder of lost children.
Am I correct?
- Yes, I find missing children.
- That's very interesting.
You know, there was a show a couple of
years back called Finder of Lost Loves.
Did you ever see that?
- Tony Franciosa, I believe, was the star of that.
- Ah yeah...
- Ah, listen, I'm looking for this girl...
- I hope you're not nervous.
Which is perfectly normal. This is
my fifth show and I'm still nervous.
In fact, is there anyone here
who's not nervous? Are you nervous?
Listen, I'm trying to find this girl. Her name
is Cheryl Mosely, she disappeared a while back...
This is wonderful. Because this is exactly
what the Mel Backman Report is all about.
When I first came to RST cable, I told them
I didn't want to be another Merv, another Johnny.
I want to do the kind of vital programming
that's responsive to the community.
Listen, I'm trying to find this girl, her name
is Cheryl Mosely. She's four foot, eleven...
This is wonderful.
Lets say I'm a young person and
I want to get into your line of work,
is there a course I can take
at a community college? Or...
- All you have to do is care about children.
- Do you recommend this line of work?
Can you make a lot of money doing this?
Her name is Cheryl Mosely.
She's sixt...
This is a little off the subject,
but that's a wonderfuly uniquel hat.
Can I ask where did you got that?
- She's 16 and I'm trying to find her...
- Great, let's say you do find her.
What would you say to her? What would be the
first thing that would pop into your head?
- She's 16 years old, her name is Cheryl Mosely...
- Thank you so much, Chandler.
Now, let's talk about tortoises. Judy,
what have you got here? This is great.
- Oh, this is Teddy who is 80 years old.
- Really? 80?
- Isn't he darling? - He's
wonderful. - Teddy can kiss my ass.
Now listen, I'm trying to find this girl,
Cheryl Mosely.
She was last seen on Vineland out in North
Hollywood. She had on a sweater and a skirt.
I'd appreciate it if you contact me
at 468-8492 if you have any...
- Thank you
- Shut up. If you have any information about her, please contact me.
Yo! Hey! If you don't put the camera back,
I'll bust your ass. Leave the camera on me.
Cheryl Mosely, Chandler Jarrell,
24 hours a day, 468-8492.
Now you can talk whatever you wanted to talk
about with the tortoises. Whatever. Excuse me.
Thank you. That was Chandler Jarrell.
Well, I understand that
you've had a sex change?
OK, let's go. Take it slow, now.
Tie him, tie him.
Yo! Yo! Yo! Why are you hanging
in the back of the court?
Alright! Let's go. There you go. All the
way, boys. It's you! It's you! It's you!
All right, come on, now.
Yo, man. What's wrong with you?
Scrub. You're a major scrub.
- Good afternoon, Mr Jarrell.
- Hi.
- So you're the finder of lost children.
- Oh, you must have seen me on television.
- Yeah, I like working with children.
- Hey, Chandler, come on!
Shut up!
- A child has been kidnapped.
- When?
Five days ago in north-eastern Tibet.
Tibet's a little bit
out of my territory.
This child is special, Mr Jarell
- His destiny is to save the world.
- That's a good destiny.
Chandler, throw the ball!
400 years ago, the Neuchung Oracle
predicted that the Gompen Tarma,
that is Tibetan for "Golden Child",

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