own good?
Yes, ma'am, I would.
Okay, come on.
I've been in here all night.
I've been trying
to decide what...
what wedding gift
to get you.
I thought of that Renoir
that my mother gave me.
But I couldn't reach a conclusion.
Then I came to grips
with the reason why...
I couldn't think
of your wedding gift.
It's all right.
I need dishes,
Corningware,
a rotisserie...
the car,
a house.
Emma,
I'm totally convinced...
if you marry Flap Horton tomorrow,
it will be a mistake
of such gigantic proportions,
it'll ruin your life and
make wretched your destiny.
Why are you doing this to me?
You're not special enough...
to overcome a bad marriage.
Emma, use your brains.
Flap is limited.
He has no imagination.
All he wants
is a secure teaching job.
Mother,
I'm marrying Flap tomorrow.
I thank God Flap's
getting me out of here.
If this is your attitude,
don't come to my wedding.
Hmm,
that... that's right.
No, I think you're right.
The hypocrisy
was bothering me, too.
My own mother's
not coming to my wedding.
[Telephone Rings]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
Listen to her.
She's going crazy.
I'll give her until
noon tomorrow.
Emma, your mother
boycotted your wedding,
she hates your husband,
and she only holds you
in medium esteem.
[Chuckling]
Medium esteem.
That is so cute.
That is so cute.
[Ring]
Wouldn't it have been strange...
if one of us married
a person who didn't read?
[Ring]
There's millions
of interesting people...
who never pick up a book.
[Ring]
Flap, I feel so
totally good about us.
I hope I get
pregnant tonight.
That would be nice.
Ah-choo!
Emma,
I love the way you look.
Uh,
you were...
you're so nice.
I'm...
You're my sweet-ass gal.
Oh.
Ah-choo!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Here comes the bride!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
How do you do that?
Flap, where did you
learn how to do that?
 [West Side Story,
"Officer Krupke"]
That is the strangest music
to make love to.
I know.
[Ring]
Leave me alone.
I'm happy.
I don't want to talk to you.
Did you see the tablecloth
Rosie gave me?
It's got red flowers on it.
She made it.
No, not yet.
I made omelets.
I started them.
Kind of Tex-Mex.
No.
That was the worst thing...
you've ever done to me.
I think you owe
my husband an apology.
Until you apologize,
I won't listen to your gossip.
He's right here.
Hold on.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
No!
Yes!
Hello, Mrs. Greenway.
No, ma'am, I am not
enjoying your predicament.
Momma, be nice!
As a matter of fact,
I don't need an apology.
All I want is
for you to understand...
and appreciate my position,
to respect our marriage,
and to wait another 15 minutes...
before you call in the morning.
Yes, I guess I've said my piece.
Okay. I'll put her on.
He's so great!
I'll talk to you later.
[Male Voice] I don't care
about the neighborhood.
Can't you stay
a little while longer?
I thought we were
having a real good time.
Don't go yet.
One more minute.
I've got something to show you.
No, really.
Thanks.
Good night.
I bought you something.
What?
A tie.
Emma,
you didn't buy this for me.
You were worried about
how I'd look to your mother.
Now, stop being a quisling
where she is concerned.
Why is it whenever I get
happy, you turn perverse?
Buying this made you happy?
Yes. Yes!
I wish you could understand this,
'cause you really don't.
It made me very happy,
buying this tie.
I went to two or three places
before finding it.
Then describing your jacket
to the salesman,
and knowing
how perfect it would match.
Which, by the way,
it certainly does.
I mean, it was fun!
It was a goddamn Mardi Gras!
You're too dumb to understand
that kind of happiness.
I'm sorry.
I'm being terrible.
Going to your mother's,
it makes me
a little irrational.
Can I help?
Yes. Thank you, Flap.
Take this candle.
I need another one.
In the kitchen?
Yes.
That looks great.
Who's that short gentleman?
Not that it's any
of your business, but.