it. Mom always used
to warn me about bullshit artists,
but she never told me how
to handle a cowshit king.
Speaking of good shit--
- I can't believe it.
- Oh, my dress.
It's ruined.
It'll never come out.
You know what?
If you soak that right away,
- there's a chance.
- But I'll have to take it off.
- Ricki--
- Nicki.
Nicki, of course.
Look, the bathroom's right over there.
Okay, thanks.
Listen, Nicki,
I am really sorry, okay?
I feel like such a klutz.
I can't believe it.
We were talking
and someone pushed me.
I don't even know
how it happened.
That's okay.
You've been really sweet.
Robert E Lee.
Ma'am?
You remind me
of Robert E Lee.
I like to nickname my men
before I fuck them.
Just like that?
Whatever became of romance?
( Southern accent )
Why, Ashby darling,
you want romance?
Read a novel.
( normal voice )
You want me?
I'm upstairs.
- ( gasps )
- Party time! Ba-ba!
You creep!
You totally lied to me.
Hold on a second.
Hey, what did I do?
You said there would be
modeling agents here.
Gee, no, you must have got here
right after they left.
Bullshit!
That was just a line.
No, it's true, really.
Look, I got an idea.
Why don't we go upstairs
and take some pictures?
Then I could send them to the agents.
They're all my good friends.
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?
- Really.
- No, really.
Come on, let's go.
Modeling agents? Scotty.
How about just right over there
by the bed? That'll be good.
I'm not taking my clothes off.
No no no. Just a face shot.
I know what I'm doing.
The lens cap is on.
- Huh?
- The lens cap.
Hey, what's going on in here?
Taking pictures
for a modeling agency.
Yeah? Will you take a few of me?
Sure. The more the merrier.
Hey, is this the modeling agency
that's taking pictures?
- Mm-hmm.
- Can I join?
Mm-hmm.
Come on,
take some more of me.
- Over here!
- Me!
So how's that
photographer doing?
Great. He's already
taken a hundred pictures.
- He hasn't reloaded once.
- Really?
Ooh, great picture.
I've got a great body, too.
That's nothing.
My body is better.
# Computer madness #
# Yeah yeah! #
# He's got the body #
# Yeah yeah! #
# Computer madness #
# He'll pull the plug #
# Computer madness #
# He'll pull the plug #
# Computer madness #
# Computer
madness #
# Computer madness #
# Computer
madness... #
- Hey, Kristi.
- That's disgusting.
I can't believe you could
stand there and watch.
And you really think
it's funny, don't you?
Kristi, nobody's getting hurt.
It's just a yuck.
( gong bongs )
( imitating Tarzan's yell )
And what's that?
Another yuck?
It must be something
chemical when you turn 30.
Well, I don't think it's funny.
I think all these guys are jerks,
and I don't want to be around them.
Kristi.
Hey, come on, don't go.
I was kind of hoping we were
gonna spend the night together.
Why? So that you could
get up afterwards
and do your Tarzan imitation, too?
No, thanks, Scotty.
( yells )
( coughs )
( yelling )
Ash, Ash!
- ( blows raspberries )
- Oh, God!
- Morning.
- Good morning.
What time is it?
0600.
Oh, 6:00.
Come on,
time to rise and shine.
I'm more likely
to stoop and puke.
My liver's staging
a major coup d'йtat.
Come on!
It's a perfect day for a marathon.
First we'll make love,
then we'll go for a jog
and then we can come back
and make love again
till we bounce off the walls.
(shrieking )
( sighs )
Good morning.
What's the matter
with Rounder?
He spend the night
with Candy last night.
So?
Good morning, fellas.
Get your rocks off last night?
What did she do,
bite his wanger off?
No, he's got a case of blue balls--
you know, love nuts.
Get out of here.
Can anyone think
of something good
for breakfast?
She's a real space module, buddy.
On the beach,
we call her "Candy Wrapper."
Candy Wrapper?
Yeah, she melts in your ear,
not in your hand.
She talks sex nonstop.
She won't put out.
Oh! Excuse me, I...
( giggles )
Come on, you wuss!
Let'