grottos,
swimming pools,
but always underwater.
Isn't that weird?
I think it probably has something
to do with my being pregnant.
Always underwater, huh?
Come on.
You tell me some deep,
dark secret about yourself.
I can't swim.
I'll start with
the good story about her.
You've never done that
before. You must be mellowing.
Doris, do you mind?
No, I don't mind.
We went to London,
and as we were checking
into the hotel,
there was a man in a formal
coat and striped pants...
standing at the front entrance of the hotel.
Helen handed him her suitcase
and breezed into the lobby.
The man followed her in and politely explained
that not only didn't he work at the hotel,
but that he was
the Danish ambassador.
And without batting an eye, Helen said,
"Well, that's marvelous! You can tell
us the good places to eat in Copenhagen."
And he did!
The point is,
it doesn't bother her at all...
if she makes
a total ass of herself.
I really admire that.
And what is it
that you don't admire?
It's that damn
sense of humor of hers.
Good. These are always
the stories I like best.
We'd been to a party,
and we'd had
a few drinks.
So we went to bed
and we started making love,
and nothing happened.
I mean, for me.
I mean, I couldn't-
Well, you get the picture.
Yeah. It was no big deal.
I mean,
we laughed about it.
Then about a half hour later,
just as I was going to sleep,
Helen turned to me
and said, "It's funny.
When I married a C.P.A., I always thought
it would be his eyes that would go first."
Well... she was just trying
to make you feel better.
Well, it didn't.
Some things aren't funny.
What I'm trying to say is the thing
that bugs me the most about Helen...
is that she broke
my pecker.
- You're impotent.
- Slightly.
That's five people
who know.
You, me, Helen and her mother.
Who's the fifth?
Chet Huntley. I'm sure her mother has
given him the bulletin for the 6:00 news.
Honey, when did this happen? Happen?
Doris, we're not talking
about a throughway accident.
You don't wake up one morning and say, "Shoot,
the family jewels have gone on the blink."
It's a gradual thing.
And how's Helen
reacting to it?
We haven't
discussed it much.
I got the impression she regards it as
a lapse in one's social responsibility.
Rather like letting your partner down
in tennis by not holding your serve.
I'll be all right.
The patient's not dead,
just resting.
Doris, that statement hardly
calls for congratulations.
No, I need help
getting up.
Is there anything I can say that
would make you feel any better?
You can say anything you want
except, "It's all in your head. "
I'm no doctor, but I have
a great sense of direction.
What shall we talk about?
Anything but sex.
How do you feel
being pregnant?
Oh, catatonic,
incredulous,
angry,
pragmatic and...
finally maternal.
Pretty much in that order.
Your vocabulary is improving.
Oh, you don't know.
You happen to be speaking
to a high school graduate.
No kidding. How come?
I was confined to my bed for the
first three months of my pregnancy,
so it shouldn't be a total loss,
I took a correspondence course.
You're really something,
you know that?
- There's kind of an ironic twist to all this.
- What?
I didn't graduate from high school
the first time because I got pregnant.
Now I did graduate from high
school because I got pregnant.
I don't know. That kind of
appeals to my sense of order.
Harry still selling
real estate?
No. Insurance.
He likes it, though.
Gives him a chance to look up
all his old army buddies.
Are you comfortable
in that position?
When you're in my condition, you're
not comfortable in any position.
Come on.
Sit over here.
Oh, that's good.
Now, tell me,
how are the kids?
They're fine. Michael just got
a job with the Associated Press.
Really? Oh, that's
terrific! Isn't that great?
Gee, I feel so proud of him.
What?
George, why are you
looking at me like that?
No reason.