I seen any of your pictures
in magazines? I know I must have.
- I doubt it.
- Right? You're terrific.
I know you are. Eber... I don't know,
but I think I do know you.
- Anyway.
- No, but I'm glad to have a friend.
Me too. How do you do?
Listen, you wanna go
and have something to drink?
- Eat.
- Eat?
- Yeah.
- OK.
- I got all this junk here.
- Got any smokes?
I dropped my best camera on my foot.
Have you really got film
in those things?
Oh, yes.
I'm the very avid shutterbug.
Yeah, listen, I really...
To tell you the truth,
ordinarily, I don't pay
any attention to that newspaper,
- because it's full of it, you know.
- I know.
I saw your name,
and it stood out for some reason.
Whatever made you
choose Stepford?
- Oh, I didn't. Walter did.
- Oh, yeah, it figures.
Dave brought us here
because of land values.
He's best in bed
when the market's up.
I think I'll break into
Walter's Scotch.
Hey, hey, hey, you know something,
I'm gonna like you.
Yeah.
A messy kitchen. It's beautiful.
A home away from home.
Oh, my, of course,
it doesn't compare to mine.
You haven't got
any of those magnificent
peanut-butter handprints
all over your cabinets yet.
But then, you're new here,
and Stepford wasn't ruined in a day.
Hello, Hi-C.
Hey, you want a Ring Ding?
I smuggled it over the border.
- What year is it?
- '59, a collector's item.
- It'd be great with Scotch.
- Yeah.
Two things I always carry:
Tampax and Ring Dings.
And I don't even wanna
think what that means.
I'll tell you. Thanks.
I can't figure out this burg.
It's like maids have been
declared illegal,
and the housewife
with the neatest place
gets Robert Redford for Christmas.
And believe me,
if that's the prize, I'd enter,
but nobody will tell what
the contest rules are.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Not to mention that
creepy Men's Association.
- Yours too?
- Every night.
Dave wouldn't miss.
- What do you think they do up there?
- Watch dirty movies
and reminisce about
the good old days.
What good old days?
Like those good old days when
Playboy used the airbrush.
Ring Dings and Scotch,
great combination.
- We may have started something.
- I'll drink to that, cheers.
Totally disgusting.
- Don't you like it?
- I don't know which one I like the best.
You're very honest. That's what
I like about you. It's awful.
Hey, it's me.
And I'm here, and I'm on
the New Projects committee.
Yeah, New Projects.
Well, how would you feel about some
of the guys meeting at our house?
- Well, like now, tonight.
- Well, OK.
Yeah, that'd be great. I actually get
to see you and some living people.
- Give me a few minutes, huh?
- We'll be along in about 20 minutes.
All right. Bye-bye.
- She'd love it.
- Good.
You're not altogether sure about
Stepford yet, are you, Walter?
No, no, that's not true.
I think I am. It's...
It's a big change.
You've got to admit that.
A change for the better, Walter.
See, I intend to really fix
this place up, you know.
I thought I'd...
...make it into sort of
a den-cum-playroom.
Maybe I'll put the pool table
right over there.
I thought I'd go to town, you know,
really spoil myself.
It'd be great for the kids.
Well, who's talking about the kids?
This is a playroom.
They ain't gonna be allowed in.
I like to watch women
doing little domestic chores.
You came to the right town.
Who was the one wanted tea?
Claude.
Claude Axhelm.
- He's the one who...
- Stutters.
I'm not good on names.
Why do they call you "Dis"?
Because I used to work
at Disneyland.
- No, really.
- That's really. Don't you believe me?
No.
- Why not?
- You don't look like someone
who enjoys making
other people happy.
It was on the market
for about six months.
No kidding. Six months.
- Excuse me, your tea.
- Thank you.
Oh, you know, I'm really
into speech work, words.
Perhaps we might talk
about it sometime.
Oh, yes, certainly, absolutely.
Let's get you a napkin.
I hope your