today?
It was miserable.
Some damn tribe of withered old bitches
doesn't want us to terminate
that fleabag hotel.
All because Glen Miller and his band
once took a shit there.
Just like Kansas.
You remember fucking Kansas?
That was the one with the wheat, right?
Yeah. Save the Memorial Oak Tree Society.
Showed those fucks.
30 of those 4th of July fireworks
attached to the trunk.
Arraigned but acquitted.
Gosh, Pop,
I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.
Oh. Veronica, this is my dad.
Dad, Veronica.
Hi.
Son, why don't you ask
your little friend to stay for dinner?
I can't. My mom's making
my favourite meal tonight -
spaghetti, lots of oregano.
How nice.
The last time I saw my mom
she was waving from
a library window in Texas. Right, Dad?
Right...
son.
Right.
Take a break, Veronica. Sit down.
So what was the first day
after Heather's suicide like?
Well, it was OK, I guess.
Terrible thing.
So, will we get to meet
this dark horse prom contender?
Maybe.
God, will somebody tell me
why I smoke these things?
Because you're an idiot.
Oh, yeah. That's it.
You two...
Great pвtй but I have to motor
if want to be ready for that funeral.
I blame not Heather
but rather a society
that tells its youth
that the answers can be found
in the MTV video games.
We must pray that the other
teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio,
know the name of that righteous dude
who can solve their problems.
It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book.
Amen.
'O God, this is a tragic thing
'and sometimes
I have a hard time dealing with it.
'Please send Heather to heaven.'
'Dear God, please make sure
this never happens to me,
'I don't think I can handle suicide.
'Early acceptance into an Ivy League school
and please let it be Harvard. Amen.'
'Jesus God in heaven,
why did you kill such hot snatch?
'It's a joke, man.
Jeez, people are so serious.
'Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven,
'pray for all us sinners
so we don't get caught.
'Another joke, man.'
'I prayed for the death of
Heather Chandler many times.
'I felt bad every time I did it
but I kept doing it.
'Now I know you understood everything.
'Praise Jesus. Hallelujah.'
'Hi. I'm sorry.
'Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler,
but, hey, who am I trying to kid, right?
'I just want my high school
to be a nice place.
'Amen.
'Did that sound bitchy? '
Veronica, what are you doing tonight?
I don't know. Mourning.
Maybe watch some TV. Why?
Well, Ram asked me out tonight...
but he wants to double with Kurt...
and Kurt doesn't have a date.
Heather, I have something going with JD.
Please, Veronica.
Put Billy the Kid on hold tonight.
I'll be your best friend.
So we on tonight, man, or what?
I don't know.
I still got to talk to Heather, dude.
Weird funeral, huh?
That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.
- Let's kick his ass.
- Cool off.
- We're seniors.
- Goddamn geek!
Ah, well. Sit and spin.
That little prick.
You piece of shit fag.
You like to suck big dicks?
- Cut it out.
- Say, "I like to suck big dicks."
Leave him alone, Ram.
Say it.
Say it!
OK, OK.
You like to suck big dicks.
I like to suck big dicks.
I can't get enough of 'em.
Are you satisfied?
Don't worry. Ram's been so sweet lately,
consoling me and stuff.
It'll be really very. Promise.
OK. Just as long as
it won't be one of those nights
where they get shitfaced
and take us to a pasture to tip cows.
- Is it sleeping, dude?
- I think so, man.
Shh!
Come here.
Oh, shit. Cow tipping is the fucking greatest!
Punch it in.
Shit. On the count of three, guy.
One...
two... three!
When I get that feeling,
I need sexual healing.
Yeah, right, asshole.
What is this shit?
Doing a favour for Heather. Double date.
I tried to tell you at the funeral
but you rode off.
Another fucking Heather.
I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little superior tonight.
Seven schools in seven states
and the only thing different
is my locker combination.
Our love is god. Let's go get a