obnoxious dog.
I don't hate just the dog,
I hate the owner.
I'm sorry about this. I thought he was
off on a walk with my brother, Porter.
- What happened to your leg?
- I broke it.
I can see that. But how?
Well, it's kind of hard to explain.
How did you find me here?
From the return address
on the chapters you sent me.
Very interesting.
Do you realize how late you're running
with this guidebook?
Edward, cut it out!
This is quite a place.
It was my grandparents' house.
I grew up here.
Where's Sarah?
- Who?
- Your wife, Macon.
Oh, she and I are...
She has this...
...apartment downtown.
You've split?
Yeah.
Jesus, Macon.
- What went wrong?
- Nothing.
It turns out these things can happen
for no particular reason.
Hush, now.
Hello.
Hello.
Julian Hedge, this is my sister, Rose,
and my other brother, Charles.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
Here, let me help you with that.
- Charles, how do you do?
- Hello.
Macon Leary with a sister
and brothers too.
Who would've guessed?
That Macon Leary had a family...
...just never entered my mind somehow.
I'm right here, Julian.
Yes, I do see a family resemblance.
You're Macon's publisher. I'm the one
who mailed you Macon's chapters.
- Oh, yes.
- I'm supposed to send you some more...
...but first I have to buy 9 by 12
envelopes. All we've got left is 10 by 13.
It's terrible when things
don't fit precisely.
They get all out of alignment.
We wouldn't wanna keep you, Rose.
Oh, no. Here, I'll take that.
The Macon Leary 9 by 12 envelope crisis.
Oh, Julian, drop it.
Sorry.
You know, Macon, if you'd just let me
know what was going on in your life.
I had no idea.
Look, if you want another-
I don't know, another month?
Oh, nonsense.
What's a missing wife or two, right?
Here, let me get what I've typed
and you can check it.
Just what I thought.
You monster, do you know how long
I've been looking for you?
Great.
Call it something catchy.
The Reluctant Tourist.
And you are the fella
to write it.
But I hate to travel.
I thought so.
So do businessmen.
They would rather be at home
in their living rooms.
So you will be helping them
to pretend...
...that that's where they are.
What do you think?
Your logo. You get it?
While armchair travellers
dream of going places...
...travelling armchairs
dream of staying put.
After this, I want you to start
on New York and the Northeast again.
So soon?
It's been three years, Macon.
Edward! Stop it!
Macon, did he get you?
- I wouldn't have a dog like that.
- He's never done that.
I'd call the SPCA or the dogcatcher.
Tell them you want him done away with.
Just go, Julian.
Hold on, hold on.
We have a couple more limas.
Yeah, we do.
What do we have next?
Now I need M's or N's,
anything starting with those.
Then how about these noodles?
N for noodles.
P for pasta?
E for elbow macaroni. You might
have passed those up earlier, Porter.
Rose?
Rose?
It seems Edward's given me
a little sort of nip.
- Oh, Macon.
- How did it happen?
It was an accident,
but I think I need an antiseptic.
- You need a tetanus shot.
- You need to get rid of that dog.
He didn't mean any harm.
Takes your hand off
and he means no harm?
You should get rid of him, I tell you.
- Well, I can't.
- Why not?
Come on, boy. Yeah!
Ethan, you think
you could do that outside?
Right.
I just can't get rid of him,
that's all.
Macon, come sit down.
Let me see what I have.
Maybe we could send him
to obedience schooI.
Edward, sit.
Now, you kind of cluck
your tongue.
They get to know a cluck means praise.
When I hold my hand out, see...
...that means he has to stay.
Stay.
That was very good.
He's supposed to wear this
till he's trained.
That way, you can yank him back
whenever he does something wrong.
Here you go.
Make him sit.
Sit.
Poke him down.
- He doesn't take you seriously.
- I know that.
Years ago, I saw this ad in the paper:
Make extra money in your off-hours.
A dog