'd like to very much,
and I probably will later,
but gimme a break.
You know my method.
I don't hit her when
you're just down the hall.
Pick on someone
your own size.
Open this door.
Daddy, I'm the one
getting married.
[Dad]
Not until tomorrow. I've got
a mouthful of toothpaste.
I happen to have
a serious problem.
Dad.
She got her period.
Should make for
an interesting honeymoon, huh?
- Where are you learning
that stuff?
- School.
Good. Gettin'
my money's worth.
[Radio Announcer]
They were fantastic. Just great.
What a great crowd.
And it was so much fun...
[Man]#It's a good thing
you don't have busfare#
#It would fall through the hole
in your pocket and you'd lose it#
#In the snow on the ground#
#You gotta walk into town
to find a job#
#You're trying to keep
your hands warm#
##[Continues]
Chronologically, you're 16 today.
Physically,
you're still 15.
[Sighs]
Hopeless.
Nope. I look exactly the same
as I have since summer.
Utterly forgettable.
No, I didn't expect
to wake up transformed.
I just thought that turning 16
would be so major...
that I'd wake up
with an improved mental state
that would show on my face.
All it shows is that I don't
have any sort of a tan left.
[Sighs]
I better get downstairs.
My family's probably pissed off
I haven't let them wish me
happy birthday yet.
All right.
I'll see you at school.
##[Continues]
You need four inches of bod
and a great birthday.
Where's my briefcase?
[Mike]
Where'd you leave it?
Don't be a smart-ass.
Okay, I'll be
a dumb-ass.
[Sara]
You already are.
Okay, where's Sam?
Where's
my briefcase?
Sam?
Allow me, Brenda.
Hey, birth defect!
[Brenda]
You missed breakfast again.
[Dad]
It wasn't my idea to give her
her own phone line.
[Sara, Mike Arguing]
[Brenda]
Grab a doughnut.
It's small.
It's brown.
It's made of leather.
It has my initials on it.
And I believe... that's it.
[Car Horn Honking]
Don't forget the grandparents
are coming this afternoon.
Are we still having dinner
with the Rice Chex?
Rizczechs. 8:00 at the club.
You'd better learn their names.
As of tomorrow, they're family.
That's a lovely
thought.
Hmm.
When it comes
your turn to get married,
do me a favor. Elope.
Who'd marry her?
Mr. T.
I'm sorry, you'll have to
buy lunch today. I didn't
have time to fix your carrots.
She's only eating carrots
to increase the size
of her breasts.
Mister, you had better
shape up, or you will miss
your sister's wedding.
Promise?
Now, don't give me
that pouty look of yours.
You can eat your carrots
when you get home.
That's it?
You don't have anything else
to say to me today?
What would you like me
to say, Sam?
Come on now, honey.
You're gonna miss the bus.
Have a good day.
I can't believe this.
They fucking
forgot my birthday.
##
I'm sure they didn't
forget your birthday.
They just didn't
remember it right away.
Same difference.
It's a drag
your sweet 16's the day
before Ginny gets married.
But big deal.
They'll remember.
Oh, easy for you to say.
Did anyone ever forget
your birthday?
Come on, Sam.
Everything's getting shittier.
My family forgetting my birthday
just makes it more vivid.
What do you expect,
a breakfast birthday party?
No, but they could have
at least said "happy birthday."
It was just like any other day.
Why don't you remind them?
They'll feel some massive guilt.
It could be highly profitable.
I wouldn't stoop
to remind them.
Since I was about 12,
I've been looking forward
to my sweet 16.
You know, a big party
and a band, with tons of people.
Tons of people.
And a big Trans Am
in the driveway
with a ribbon around it.
And some incredibly gorgeous
guy that you meet in