4...
and looks like one of those
bearded Nordic gods.
The name's Lars.
Often, my thoughts
have turned to you, Juggler,
and I worry about you.
Fast approaching 30, alone,
living in a cabin...
in the middle of
a silent, windswept, frozen tundra.
Well, can't keep Sonya waiting,
my masseuse. Adjo, Joel.
Wait a minute.
Hey, a lot of guys had
a lot of girlfriends, Tori.
Who are you?
- Who do I look like?
- Uh, me.
I thought we said
we weren't going to do this anymore.
Do what?
This dependence on external affirmation,
fear of rejection, panic thing.
It's a real turnoff.
Intellectually, we're on our game.
But emotionally, Joel,
we have talked and we have talked
and we have talked about this problem.
- But this is the third time
you've fallen apart.
- Three? Really?
Seventeen years old,
when we didn't get into Harvard.
We didn't handle that one
very well, did we?
No, we didn't.
Frankly, we were a mess.
We walked 63 blocks in the rain
like a zombie.
From Zabar's to West 12th Street.
We were nearly hit by three cabs.
Spilt grape juice down
the front of our shirt on Times Square.
How many more times
are we going to subject ourselves
to this abject humiliation?
- I never said-
- Words, Fleischman.
It's just words, and frankly,
I'm sick of it.
"We just need a couple of days
to get ourselves together,
because, after all, we're eligible
and appealing and desirable.''
We're this close to losing it.
We were hanging by our fingernails
after the Harvard trauma.
Now we're sitting in a movie theater
talking to ourselves. Is there no growth?
Is there no catharsis?
Suck it up. Be a mensch.
Do what people do.
- I'm not equipped.
- What's it gonna be, Joel?
We're pushing 30. Thirty.
We've tried therapy,
and you know what
the scariest part is?
We're getting weaker.
We keep going like this,
we're headed straight for a full-tilt,
no-holds-barred,
complete mental disintegration
nervous breakdown
by the time we hit 40.
Forty.
A genuine diamond ring in
a solitaire is more expensive-
Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
On the Go Anywhere Tea Caddy,
do I have to get the tea service,
or does the cart come separate?
Shel.
Okay, give me one of those.
Oh. Look at that heart-shaped,
three-carat cubic zirconia.
That will be perfect with my genuine,
diamond-studded, tiara headband.
Shelly?
Hang on a sec.
I just got you the coolest wallet.
Cloth and leather
with simulated crocodile embossing
in a really nice cognac.
- Aren't you coming up to bed?
- In a second, hon.
Maybe I better put us in
for a couple of those
matching key cases too.
You still there?
Now, on the koala bear,
does that include batteries?
Okay. Send that along too,
and put a Federal Express on it.
Oh, oh. What time do you have? 2:28?
Can you hang on a sec?
The baby's crying.
?...Giris are sometime ridiculous but
face it, you can't live with or without us?
? We're sweet, sexy and kind
at most times?
? But rub us the wrong way
and fate is what you'll find?
? But only if you treat us wrong and then
again some giris do nothing at all?
? We'll take your car, your money
and even your jewels?
? And if your clothes fit
well, we'll take them too?
?Hey, buy for ourselves
it's what we believe?
Whoo!
? It's just a girl thing?
? Girl thing?
?Just a girl thing?
? Check it out
I was home all alone?
Oh. My genuine, diamond-studded,
tiara headband.
Shelly.
Hi, babe.
What's all this stuff?
This? Just some stuff
that came in.
It looks like a hot dog in a bun,
but it's not. Guess what it is.
It's a telephone.
I got it for you.
Look at this.
It's a Chia Pet.
You water it, and it grows grass.
Pretty soon you get a plant
in the shape of a camel.
But I don't see the hump on here.
Oh, no. This must be
the Brahma bull.
How much does all this cost?
Four thousand, give or take.
Shelly, that's the money
we put aside for our honeymoon.
Yeah, but we never did
get married, did we?
So what's the point?