Human Fund.
Oh, damn.
I've locked myself out of my office again.
Alright.
I'm going home.
Jerry, how many times
do we have to come to this - place?
Why? It's our place.
I just found a rubber band in my soup.
Oh.. I know who's cooking today!
Hey! Surprise, surprise!
Hey, Georgie!
I think I'm just gonna go.
I'll be here.
Hey, soup.
She didn't touch it.
Ohh.. Paco!
Hey, take a look at this.
20 thousand dollars from Kruger?
You're not keeping this.
I don't know.
Excuse me?
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
This might be my chance to start giving something back.
You want to give something back?
Start with the 20 thousand dollars.
I'm serious.
You're going to start your own charity?
I think I could be a philanthropist.
A kick ass philanthropist!
I would have all this money,
and people would love me.
Then they would come to me and beg!
And if I felt like it,
I would help them out.
And then they would owe me big time!
First thing I'm gonna need is a driver.
No bagels, no bagels...
Kramer, the vest just called.
Yamahama! It's fright night!
Oh, yeah, I got a little steam bath.
Listen, in 10 minutes,
I'm gonna have my hands on that "Atomic Sub" card.
And?
Free sub.
I'll see ya.
- Yeah.
Kramer, Hi!
Oh, hello.
It's Gwen..
We met... at the coffee shop.
Ah-huh.
I'm dating your friend Jerry.
I don't know who you really are,
but I've seen Jerry's girlfriend, and she's not you.
You're much better looking -
and like a foot taller.
That's why we're always hiding in that coffee shop!
He's afraid of getting caught.
Oh, he's a tomcat.
Steve.
Hmm?
It's Elaine.
From Tim Whatley's party?
Yeah.
You look... different.
I see you're still sticking with the denim.
Do you have that card that I gave you?
Well, I had it back at my place,
but I can't go there now.
I'll give it to you later
or something.
No, no, no.
You give me your number.
Okay. Sure.
Do you have the mumps?
No.
Typhoid?
No.
Yamahama!
A fake number! Blimey!
George, we've got a problem.
There's a memo, here, from accounting,
telling me there's no such thing as the Human Fund.
Well, there could be.
But there isn't.
Well, I...
I could give the money back. Here.
George, I don't get it.
If there's no Human Fund,
those donation cards were fake.
You better have a damn good reason
why you gave me a fake Christmas gift.
Well, sir, I -
I gave out the fake card, because, um -
I don't really celebrate Christmas.
I, um, I celebrate Festivus.
Vemonous?
Festivus, Sir.
And, uh, I was afraid
that I would be persecuted for my beliefs.
They drove my family out of Bayside, Sir!
Are you making all this up, too?
Oh, no, Sir. Festivus is all too real.
And I could prove it - if I had to.
Yeah, you probably should.
Happy Festivus!
George? This is a surprise.
Who's the suit?
Yo, dad. This is my boss, Mr. Kruger.
Have you seen the pole, Kruger?
Dad, he doesn't need to see the pole.
He's gonna see it.
Happy Festivus!
Yamahama!
I didn't have time to go home.
What are you doing here?
Embracing my roots.
They nailed you on the 20 G's?
Busted cold.
It's made from aluminum.
Very high strength-to-weight ratio.
I find your belief system fascinating.
Hey! Happy Festivus, everyone!
Hello again, Miss Benes.
What are you doing here?
Damnedest thing...
me and Charlie were calling to ask you out,
and, uh, we got this bagel place..
I told them I was just about to see you...
It's a Festivus miracle!
Dinner's ready!
Let's begin.
Dr.. Van Nostrand?
- Uh?
That's right.
Welcome, newcomers.
The tradition of Festivus
begins with the airing of grievances.
I got a lot of problems with you people!
Now you're gonna hear about it!
You, Kruger.
My son tells me your company stinks!
Oh, God.
Quiet, you'll get yours in a minute.
Kruger, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet
if you had a hot date with a babe..
I lost my train of thought.
Jerry!
Gwen! How'd you know I was here?
Kramer told me.
Another Festivus