[Wendy screams]
God Almighty!
Bloody hell!
[Footsteps on stairs]
Darling!
Are you hurt?
Speak to me! Are you hurt?
[Groans]
Can't you speak?
Archie! Archie, what has happened?
[Coughs]
Archie, we've been burgled.
Oh, no!
Well, are you hurt?
No, I'm... I'm fine.
Bit of a headache. I er...
I came in here, somebody
hit me, tied me up...
My God, is that the time?
What?
I didn't realise
it was quite so late.
What?!
I'm late for a conference.
You've just been attacked!
It's nothing, I must fly. Sorry.
- Archie!
- I'll help you tidy up later!
Hello, Portia.
What's happened?
Your father has finally
gone completely mental.
Hi.
Archie!
Thank you so much.
Champagne?
OK.
[Cork pops]
- To us.
- To us.
I went back to the house,
and guess who...
[Smashes glass]
Let's make love!
Well, if you absolutely insist...
No.
What?
Here. On the rug.
I'll be right back.
Get undressed.
Why not?
Why not indeed!?
Afterwards,...
Yeah?
...let's go to South America.
What?
Let's fly to South America.
Why South America?
OK,... Iceland?
What do you really
want out of life?
I don't know.
Why do I like you so much?
Archie.
Hm?
Do you speak Italian?
I am Italian!
Sono italiano in spirito.
Ma ho sposato una donna che
preferisce lavorare in giardino...
...a fare l'amore appassionato.
Uno sbaglio grande!
But it's such an ugly language.
How about... Russian?
Yest' sila blagodatnaya
sozvuchiy slov zhivykh.
[Thud]
Kamina tozhe ni trudnuyu tyesnitsya
lyubosyat'sya grust'.
Odnu molitvu chudnuyu
tverzhdaya naizust'.
V dushe kak bremya
skatyatsya somneniya daleko.
I varitsya i plachetsya,
i tak legko...
Archie!
Yeah?
Are you rich?
No, no, I'm afraid not.
What about the house?
Oh, that's Wendy's.
She's the rich one.
Oh.
Yest' sila blagodatnaya
sozvuchiy slov zhivykh.
I tushit nyeponyatnaya,
svetlaya, prelyestnaya rech'.
V dushe kak bremya
skatyatsya somneniya daleko.
I varitsya i plachetsya,
i tak legko!
- What the hell are you doing?
- I might ask you the same question!
Who are you?
What?!
Get your clothes on.
- Will you leave immediately, please?
- What?!
You'e in the wrong flat.
This flat belongs to Patrick Balfour.
He's in Hong Kong.
He lent me the key. Now get out!
We leased it from
the agents last weekend.
Yes, well obviously that
changes things a bit. Erm...
Aren't you Archie Leach?
What?
You bought our house
in Lissendon Gardens.
Hazel and Ian Johnson.
What a coincidence!
Ha...
How nice to see you.
[Dials number]
[Phone rings]
Hello.
Hello, Wanda. It's Archie
I can't see you any more.
I've got to end it.
I'm sorry.
What?
I'm sorry.
[Hangs up]
Archie?
Er...
OK.
Oh, no, no. Please.
Look, I want to apologise.
I just finished it.
OK, OK, wait.
Where are you going?
I want speak with you.
Will you leave me alone?
I've ended it, all right?
Wait! I want to say I'm sorry.
It's all over, OK? It's over.
- All right!
- Jesus Christ!
- Calm down!
- Someone help me!
- Please believe me!
- It's all right!
Don't beat me up again.
I've had a terrible day.
Will you shut up?!
Jesus Christ, don't kill me!
Shut up, then.
OK.
Look.
I just want to apologise...
...sincerely...
[Whimpers]
When I hung you from the window.
I'm really....
It was not a nice thing to do.
Then when I attacked you in there.
I'm really, s...
How did I know you
were robbing your house?
I was trying to help!
Yes. Thanks. Otto.
I wanted you to trust me.
Please, it was my fault.
- That's true.
- Yeah.
Now, about my sister.
Otto,...
She's a very sexy girl.
I understand you wanting
to play around with her.
It's OK, I was wrong. I'm sorry!
I was jealous.
Just go ahead, pork away, pal.
Fuck her blue.
I like you, Archie.
I just want to help.
[Dog yaps]
[Pulley rattles]
Oh, God!
Send for an ambulance!
Shocking!
I did it!
I did it! I did it!
Unbe-fuck-alievable!
Thomason!
Yeah?
You done well, my son.
Now, here's the plan.
You get