had to drive me and shut up!
Oh, relax!
[Car pulls off]
[Phone rings]
Hello.
Hold on.
It's for you.
Hello.
Not at the moment, no.
Yes, well, I'm not quite sure
when I can get hold of that.
Yes, yes, I do appreciate that.
Yes. As soon as possible.
Well, that would be
very nice, obviously.
So. Erm...
See you soon, I hope.
Bye, Frank.
[Dog snarls]
Calm down. Calm down!
Easy, g-g-girl. Easy, easy!
[Dogs yap]
Come here!
Smell. Smell!
Smell, Maggie, smell.
Now. Now!
Kill, kill!
Kill!
Kill!
Kill!
[Church bells toll]
We therefore commit
its body to the ground.
Earth to earth.
Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.
[Choir sings]
# Miserere Dominus
# Miserere Dominus
# Canis mortuus est...
Hello, honey.
What happened?
N-n-nothing.
What's that?
Er...
Not Granny?
Not yet.
Oh. Who is it for, then?
A f-f-f...
A fish? Frenchman?
- A phone operator?
- Friend.
Oh, a four-legged one?
[Laughs]
Where's my sister?
She's in the b-b-b...
Thank you.
Lavatory.
Wanda!
Anything?
What? No?
[Shouts]
Why are you here?
I'm here because I'm bored!
Bored, wandering around this
awful city, shoving George's pic...
Talking to a lot of snotty, stuck-up,
intellectually inferior British faggots.
They get rigor mortis in
the prime of life in this country!
Standing there with
their hair clenched...
...counting the seconds
till the weekend,...
...so they can dress up
like ballerinas...
...at the flat at four...
2B, Saint...
To be honest, I er... hate them.
I mean, pretending
they're so fucking lawyer...
So fucking superior with
those phoney accents.
Not you, Ken.
You've got a beautiful voice...
...when it works.
Son of a bitch!
[Shouts] So er...
Want to have some lunch?
Have you heard from him?
- Who?
- Archie.
[Shouts]
No, I have to finish my hair!
Nothing?
OK, I'm out of here!
No plans to see him?
No.
OK, bye, bro!
Bye, Wanda!
Oh, sorry.
- What?!
- It wasn't theirs to sell.
A old lady gave it
to them to engrave.
Someone put it in the
display cabinet...
- That's their problem.
- No. Legally...
You paid for it!
They accept their mistake and
they're offering you this.
It's much more valuable.
I adore this and you want
me to give it back...
- I don't want...
- They can't have it.
- Wendy.
- No. No!
- Wendy!
- No!
Tell them they can't have it!
You're the bloody barrister!
- Hello.
- Hello.
Oh, Archie, it's beautiful.
It's just beautiful.
Oh, my God, look!
Oh, Archie, it's beautiful.
Isn't it wonderful?
Whose is it?
It belongs to someone
at the chambers.
And where are they?
Hong Kong.
Ah so.
Gone for weeks.
Nice rug, Archie.
May I?
Archie, what are you doing?
The polka, I think.
You make me feel free!
Free?
Do you have any idea what
it's like being English?
Being so correct all the time?
Being so... stifled by this
dread of doing the wrong thing?
Asking someone,
"Are you married?"...
...and hearing,
"My wife left me".
Or saying,
"Do you have children?"...
...and hearing,
"They burned to death yesterday".
Wanda, we're all terrified
of embarrassment.
That's why we're so... dead.
Most of my friends are dead.
We have these piles
of corpses to dinner.
But you're alive, God bless you.
And I want to be.
I'm so fed up with all this.
I want to make love with you, Wanda.
I'm a good lover.
At least, I used to be
in the early 14th century.
Can we go to bed?
Yeah.
Hang on!
Mind your head.
Agh! Aagh!
Aaagh! Aaagh!
I think I love you, Wanda.
Oh, Archie.
Can I ask you a question?
Anything.
Where's my locket?
I couldn't get it.
What?
Wendy wouldn't give it back.
Look...
I got you this instead.
Do you like it?
No. Archie, I have to have mine.
What's the matter? Why?
My mother gave it to me...
...on her death... bed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
All right, darling.
I'll get it for you.
You promise?
I'll think of something.
Sex is very, very difficult for me...
...with somebody that
I don't trust completely.
I promise I'