completely mental.
Hi.
Thank you so much. Champagne? OK.
To us. To us.
I went to the house and guess who...
SMASHES GLASS
Let's make love!
Well, if you absolutely insist.
No. What? Here.
On the rug.
I'll be right back. Get undressed.
Why not? Why not indeed?
Afterwards... Yeah?
Let's go to South America.
What? Let's fly to South America.
Why South America?
OK, Iceland.
What do you really want
out of life, Wanda?
I don't know.
Why do I like you so much?
Archie... Hmm?
Do you speak Italian?
I am Italian!
Sono italiano in spirito.
Ho sposato una donna che
preferisce lavorare in giardino
a far l'amore passionato!
It's such an ugly language!
How about Russian?
HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN
THUD
RUSSIAN CONTINUES
Archie? Yeah?
Are you rich? No, I'm afraid not.
What about the house?
That's Wendy's, she's the rich one.
Oh.
HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN
What the hell are you doing?
I might ask you the same!
Who are you? What?
Get your clothes on!
Please leave immediately! What?
You're in the wrong flat!
This flat belongs to Patrick
Balfour. He lent me the key. We
leased it from the agents last week.
Well, obviously
that changes things a bit.
Aren't you Archie Leach?
What? You bought our house
in Lissenden Gardens.
Hazel and Ian Johnson.
What a coincidence!
How nice to see you!
HE DIALS
PHONE RINGS
Hello?
'Hello, Wanda. It's Archie.
Listen...'
..I can't see you any more.
I'm sorry.
What?
'I'm sorry.'
HE HANGS UP
Archie?
Er...
OK... Oh, no!
Please! Look, I want to apologise.
I just finished it, all right?
Wait! I want to speak with you.
Leave me alone!
Wait! I just want to say I'm sorry!
It's all over, OK?
Jesus Christ! Will you calm down?
Help!
Please don't beat me up again.
Listen! I've had a terrible day!
Will you shut up?! Don't kill me!
Shut up then!
OK, look...
I just want to apologise...
ARCHIE WHIMPERS
..for dangling you out the window.
It wasn't a nice thing to do.
And when I attacked you in there...
I didn't know you were robbing your
own house. I was trying to help!
Yes, thanks, Otto.
I wanted you to trust me.
Yes, it was my fault. That's true.
About my sister. She's a very
sexy girl. I understand you
wanting to play around with her.
Otto... It's OK. I was wrong.
I was jealous.
Go ahead. Pork away, pal.
Fuck her blue.
I like you, Archie.
I just want to help.
Oh, God!
Killed her!
I did it!
Did it! Nothing!
Unbe-fucking-lievable!
Thomason!
Yeah?
Yes.
You done well, my son!
Now, here's the plan.
Get four tickets for this evening
for Rio. First class.
F-F...?
Yeah, four. We'll get rid
of Otto later.
Back to the flat, pack, collect me
and then to the hotel for the jewels.
Unbe-fucking-lievable!
Oi! Oi!
I can't believe it!
He's safe!
PHONE RINGS
I'll be late for court!
H-Hello? Hello, Otto.
No, she just, er, left.
Oh, Otto...
..you owe me a p-p...
What?
You owe me a pound!
Not Granny!
M-Met with an accident!
Bullshit! You're lying!
Dead?
Heart attack.
I don't believe this.
G-George will be out this afternoon.
We go to Heathrow, get the loot,
and...VROOM!
All thanks...to...
..me!
The loot's at the airport, is it?
W-What's h-happening?
Well, Ken, I'm going to ask you
questions while I eat my chips.
First, who is the philosopher
who developed the concept of the
superman in Also Sprach Zarathustra?
No? A chip up the nose, I'm afraid!
Friedrich Nietzsche! Next!
In which book did Nietzsche claim
that almost all higher culture
is based on cruelty?
Are you thinking or in mid-stutter?
You're m-mad!
Beyond Good And Evil!
I'll have to ask you an easy one.
OK... Um...
Let me think.
Where are the diamonds?
I'll give you a clue.
Somewhere around the airport!
I'm n-n... No hassle.
There's plenty of time, Ken.
I'll just sit here and eat my chips
till you tell me.
The English contribution
to world cuisine - the chip!
What do the English
usually eat with chips
to make them more interesting?
Wait a moment!
It