can't stay...
Terribly sorry.
Take it, it's yours.
Thank you so much.
Er... British Airways to Rio.
Rio? Terminal Four.
Thank you.
Excuse me, sir.
Is this your vehicle?
I'll be with you in a moment.
I'll be right back.
Aisle or window?
Smoking or non-smoking?
What was the middle one?
Anything in non-smoking, thanks.
Gate 14 is boarding now.
Rio!
Otto, don't look back,
there's a cop behind us.
Quick!
Yes, we can just do it, Mr Leach.
Great.
- Luggage?
- [Thud]
Don't really need any.
- Gate 14.
- Thank you.
Ciao, stupidissimo.
Ow!
Aargh!
[Gunshots]
Come on, Archie.
Pick up the phone.
Ticket, sir. Airport security.
May I see your boarding pass?
Oh, yes. Certainly.
Very good. Would you mind
stepping over here, please?
Of course.
- Oh, look, the Queen.
- Where?
OK, OK, OK, don't get excited.
OK, OK, OK.
Oh, it's you!
I was actually worried for a minute.
- Keep your hands up.
- No!
- Put 'em up!
- I'll make a deal with you.
I'll put one up.
Put the other one up!
Which looks better?
I'm warning you, Otto.
What are you going to do?
Shoot me? Gun me down
in cold blood, like a dog? Hey?
If you want to settle something,
fight me. You're a man.
Let's fight like men! Come on!
All right.
All right, then.
OK. OK.
You look good, Arch.
That's right.
I used to box for Oxford.
Oh, yeah? Well, I used to
kill for the CIA.
Now, get your hands up.
No.
[Laughs]
You spineless bimbo.
Now, out.
I'm going to have
to shoot you now, Archie.
But I've got a little time
before my plane leaves...
...and I'm longing to humiliate you.
So get in that barrel.
What?
In the barrel.
Right.
You English!
You think you're
so superior, don't you?
Well, you're the filth of the planet.
- A bunch of pompous,...
- [Chugging]
...badly-dressed, poverty-stricken,...
...sexually repressed football hooligans.
Goodbye, Archie.
At least we're not irretrievably vulgar.
Your problem is you don't like winners.
- Winners?
- Yeah.
Winners.
Winners like...
...North Vietnam?
Shut up!
We did not lose Vietnam!
It was a tie!
I'm telling ya, baby,
they kicked a little ass there.
Boy, they whupped
your hide real good!
No, they didn't.
- Oh, yes, they did.
- No, they didn't.
Oh, yes, they did.
Oh, no they...
Shut up!
Goodbye, Archie.
Are you gonna shoot me?
Er yes, I'm afraid so, old chap.
Sorry!
Look, Otto. Look.
Revenge.
It's K-K-Ken!
C-c-coming to k-k-kill me.
How are you going to c-c-catch me,
K-K-Ken?
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah.
Shit! God!
Fucking limey cement!
Ken! Ken!
Wait, wait, Ken!
Kenny! May I call you Kenny?
Remember Wanda?
I got the deal of a lifetime!
50-50. What do you say?
OK, OK, 60-40.
That's my final offer.
Revenge!
Wait, I got an idea.
You take it all.
Here's my boarding pass. Ken!
I'm gonna... I'm gonna k-k-kill you.
OK, fine, Ken. Come at me.
Give me your best shot.
Go on, you don't have the guts.
Admit it.
OK, you have the guts.
Good. Wait.
Death!
All right, I'm sorry
I ate your fish, OK?!
I'm sorry!
Revenge!
Jesus, I said I'm sorry.
What the fu...? Aaagh!
Got him!
[Engines roar]
[Laughs]
Gotcha again!
You bastard!
Hey! I've lost my stutter.
It's gone.
I can speak.
How much wood could
a woodchuck chuck,...
...if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
[Laughs]
Good afternoon, sir.
Boarding pass?
[Panting]
Buongiorno, signorina.
Now, listen. Two things.
One.
Behave yourself from now on,
or I'll break your neck, OK.
Two.
Gorbachov.
Glasnost.
Molotov.
Blinis.
Er... Lenin.
Pushkin.
Chicken Kiev.
Good. Dostoevsky.
Roubles.
Vladivostok.
[Engines roar]
Assho-o-ole!
Subtitles by VisiontextA Fish Called Wanda
1998
And on that point,
members of the jury,...
.. I rest my case.
Hello, Wanda.
Hi, Ken.
Hello, W-W-Wanda.
Ken,...
.. this is Otto.
Hello, Ken.
Wanda's told me a lot about you.
Hey! Great fish!
A squeeze of lemon,
some