s.
They better keep their eyes out
on their nuts before someone gets hurt.
Would it be indecent to ask
the grandparents to stay at a hotel?
Audrey.
Well, can we at least forbid them
to answer the phone?
Alex called this morning. Grandpa Clark
told him I couldn't come to the phone...
.. because I was going to the bathroom.
- We're all making sacrifices, Audrey.
Everybody? Do you sleep
with your brother?
Do you know how sick and twisted
that is, Mom?
Well, I'm sleeping with your father.
Don't be so dramatic.
I have nightmares about
what he does in his bed...
.. when I'm not lying right next to him.
Well, I don't know what to say except
it's Christmas and we're all in misery.
Ellen, are you smoking again?
No!
Hey, Dad, where do you want
these reindeer?
Just put them down there on the lawn,
Russ.
I can't find the Santa Claus.
It's in the basement. We'll get it later.
- Clark. Dinner's ready.
- Okay, honey. I'm starving.
Obviously something
had to break the window!
Something had to hit the stereo!
- And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?
- I don't know, Margo.
You want to hurry this up, Clark?
I'm freezing my baguettes off.
Two hundred and fifty strands of light,
100 individual bulbs per strand...
.. for a grand total of 25,000
imported Italian twinkle lights.
- Twenty-five thousand.
- Well, I hope nobody I know drives by...
.. and sees me standing in the yard,
staring at the house in my pajamas.
If they know your dad,
they won't think anything of it.
Fire it up, Dad!
I dedicate this house
to the Griswold family Christmas.
Drum roll, please.
Drum roll.
- Beautiful, Clark.
- Talk about pissing your money away.
I hope you kids see
what a silly waste of resources this was.
- He worked really hard, Grandma.
- So do washing machines.
Let's get in where it's warm.
Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind.
And it's breathtaking.
- Thanks, Mom.
- It's probably a bad bulb, son.
You know, if one goes out,
the whole thing doesn't work.
Now, if I were you
I'd personally check each one.
- I did that, Dad. I can't...
- Now, look, if you need any help...
.. give me a holler. I'll be asleep.
- Thanks.
Sorry, Daddy. It looks good
even if they're not lit.
Thank you, sweetheart.
- Well, Dad, it was a good try.
- Thanks, Russ.
- Russ.
- Yeah?
- We checked every bulb, didn't we?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm sure of it.
I thought so. Well, maybe
we ought to go up there and just get...
Jeez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed.
Brush my teeth. Feed the hog.
I've still got some homework to do.
Do the laundry. Wash the car.
I've still got those bills to pay...
Clark, don't stay up too late.
Get off me, you little fungus.
Where the hell is that cold coming from?
Hello?
- I need to get a few more...
- Pay by check.
- I will. Not a card?
- No. If they return it, then it's a hassle...
Russ!
- Help!
- Daddy, is Clark coming?
- How would I know?
- Is he in the house?
If he isn't farting around
with his lights, he must be inside.
I'm sure he wants to come shopping
and have lunch with us.
He's got another car. He can drive.
I have to eat so I can take my back pills.
Ellen! Hey! Ellen!
I want to take off these clothes, sit
with a glass of wine and kiss your body.
- After you shower, of course.
- Of course.
- Sparky?
- Yes, honey.
Are you out here for a reason,
or are you just avoiding the family?
No. I still have a couple hundred
more bulbs to check.
In the meantime, I can light the Santa and
the deer and the Merry Christmas sign.
That should look good. Ready?
- You want me to do the drum roll thing?
- No, it's okay. Here goes nothing.
I don't understand it.
The house lights don't work,
the flood lights don't work.
Is it plugged in?
Do you honestly think I would check
thousands of lights...
.. if the extension cord
wasn't plugged in?
You used more than one cord, didn't you?
Maybe the kids have been fooling
around with it. I'll check in back.