you wanna...
Come on, I don't believe it.
Gil, you have a good memory.
Was it yours or Helen or
Susan's wedding I got drunk at?
It was all three, Dad.
Congratulations.
Well, which one did I
punch the bandleader?
That was mine.
We have photos.
I'm having them blown up
for the commitment hearings.
You think he's funny, huh? When
he was a kid, he wasn't this funny.
Stayed in his room all day. Boy, you
were a moody little son of a bitch.
Gee, I wonder why?
Do you remember that little
guy who wouldn't leave my side?
I know.
Well, now, you know, if I take a step
towards him, he just takes a step away.
I don't know what's
happening to him, you know.
He's just so unhappy
and he won't talk to me, and
I don't know how to help him.
Did you ever consider
having Ed talk to him?
Are you kidding?
He won't even acknowledge
he's got these kids,
now that he's got his new wife
and his new kids!
He won't even fix
my kids' teeth anymore.
He says it makes him
uncomfortable.
Please.
Yeah, I wish he'd drop
his drill down his pants.
Are you seeing anybody?
Well, Garry's biology teacher
asked me out.
Biology? That's promising.
No, no, no, no. He's not
the type I usually go for.
"The Penal Colony
by Franz Kafka. "
Hey, Nathan,
Patty a doctor yet?
Mock if you will.
All right.
Our children are more capable of retaining
and absorbing information than we are,
and yet we insist on treating
them like adorable little morons.
What are you saying, Patty
can learn things I can't learn?
Patty, which one of these
is the square root of 8,649?
Ninety-three.
They're like sponges, Gil,
just waiting to absorb.
I want this.
You see?
Take my advice. Forget about Kevin and
Taylor. It's too late. Work on Justin.
Actually, Justin is quite bright. In
his preschool class, he was the only...
Slow down, Justin.
I'll get you some dip.
Oh, you remember that guy you went
out with in college? Jeffrey Sanders?
You know, you always chased me out
of the room whenever he came over.
Oh, yeah.
I saw him today.
God, what a loser, huh?
In a Rolls.
I meant me.
What is that?
Oh, Nathan and Patty and I
are power-eating.
We bring our own
food everywhere.
He turned me onto it,
and I never felt better.
Where do you
get that stuff?
This is it. Everybody in the living
room. This is the big surprise.
Okay, Frank.
Oh, Larry. My baby.
You look great.
Dad!
How are you, son?
Oh, boy.
Great to see you!
Shit.
Well put.
Who's that? Wait a second,
I've got something for you.
That's my kid brother
Larry. Your uncle.
Don't give him
any money.
I won't.
Just a little something for
being the best dad in the world.
I found it a couple of months
ago. It's for your collection.
A toy car!
Oh, this is great.
A Stutz!
Yeah, you got it. Spend
it on the people you love,
right?
Is this Grandma?
Yeah, she's still alive.
Jesus, Grandma,
you got short.
I'm shrinking.
Bummer.
Gilbo.
Larry.
How long has it been?
Three years? About that.
You stopped
wearing your turban.
Yeah.
My God, Susan, you look great.
If you weren't my sister...
Helen, I know
it's been hard.
Dad?
You were supposed to wait
outside so I could introduce you.
Well, why don't you
do it now, Larry?
Everybody,
this is my son Cool.
Did he say, "Cool"?
Cool.
Your son?
It's a long story.
Let's eat.
Yeah, well, good idea.
Keep Patty
away from my brother.
He'll suck the intelligence
right out of her.
Cool is adorable. Adorable. Why
didn't you ever write us you had a son?
I didn't know myself
until a couple of months ago.
You see, a few years ago, I was
living in Vegas with this girl.
Showgirl. She was
in that show Elvis on Ice.
Anywho, we drifted apart as people
do in these complicated times,
and then a couple of months
ago, she shows up with Cool,
tells me, "You watch him. I shot
someone. I have to leave the country. "
That's a parent?
Anyway,
we're back in town because I've
got something really