in his own childhood,
was without
a positive male influence.
Huh?
His own father kicked
him out when he was 15,
so my Dad was taught to see
child-raising as a job, a burden,
a prison,
rather than a playground.
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
You don't talk like a kid.
Yeah, well, I'm not really
a kid. You're not a duck.
This is a memory
of when I was a kid.
I'm 35 now.
I have kids of my own.
You don't really
even exist.
You're an amalgam.
A what?
A combination of several ushers
my dad left me with over the years.
I've combined them into one memory. Why?
This was a great symbolic
moment of my life,
my father dumping me
with you.
It's why I swore things would
be different with my kids.
That's my dream.
Strong, happy,
confident kids.
That's great. That's great. You
know, you got a lovely family,
and I'm a goddamn amalgam.
Gil?
Who's that?
That's my wife.
Nice.
Gil.
Yeah?
The game's over, honey.
The St. Louis Cardinals wish to
thank you for attending today's game.
Please drive home
safely and soberly.
Let's go!
Come on, Justin.
You want to walk?
Come on, Justin.
Come on, let's walk.
It's fun.
Come on, let's walk.
You sure you don't want
to walk? There we go.
I'll get it. I'll get it.
There's your pennant.
There you go.
I got him.
All right?
Yes.
Come on, watch it,
watch it, watch it.
There you go.
Watch the car.
Watch it.
There's so many cars.
Here you go.
Here you go. Down?
Where is that kid?
Where is she?
Daddy! Oh, there she is. There she is.
All right, come on, go
inside. Grab a seat. Buckle up.
Honey. Taylor!
You're a rat.
You're a rat!
When you're sliding into first
And you're feeling
something burst
Diarrhea
Diarrhea
When you're sliding into third
And you lay a juicy turd
Diarrhea
Diarrhea
When you're sliding
into home
And your shorts
are full of foam
Diarrhea
Diarrhea
When you're sitting
in your Chevy
And your shorts
are feeling heavy
Diarrhea
Diarrhea
Kevin, honey,
where'd you learn that song?
Last summer
at camp, Mom.
Ah! That was money
well spent.
When you're sliding into first
And you're feeling
something burst
Diarrhea
Diarrhea
That's what you're gonna
sleep in? You'll get cold.
Perfect.
Gil, Taylor isn't feeling
well. She wants you.
It's those hot dogs. I'll
deal with Kevin and Justin.
Hey, what do you say later, when the
kids are asleep, I wear this outfit?
She's in our bed.
Hi, Daddy.
What's the matter, honey?
You don't feel so good?
Mmm-mmm.
You feel like you wanna throw up? Okay.
Gil.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Taylor, baby.
Oh, sweetie.
Gil, why are you
just standing there?
Oh, sweetie! I'm waiting
for her head to spin around.
You'll be all right.
You'll be okay.
Oh, can you
come with me
to see Kevin's principal
on Monday morning?
Oh, boy. I love it when you talk
to me about school and meetings.
Now talk to me
about shopping.
No, I know. I know.
Go on, go on.
I'm sorry. I just remembered now.
I've been meaning to ask you, okay?
Fine. I'll be there.
Okay.
What's the matter?
Nothing. I was a little
tense before but now...
No, no. I mean with Kevin. Why
are we going to see his principal?
Oh, because his teacher said
he's been making that face again.
What? This?
Yes. The tense face.
He makes that same face
at Little League.
You know what
his teacher asked me?
What?
If we'd ever taken him
for a psychiatric evaluation.
What?
She was just asking.
Why, because
he makes a face?
Has she ever
looked in the mirror?
You know, the face,
the crying, the nervousness.
They mentioned
the crying?
Yeah. You know, he doesn't
really finish his work.
Hey, we'll talk to them on Monday.
Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Come here.
Where was I?
Here? Was I here?
Yeah, yeah.
I was there already?
Mmm-hmm.
You know,
that really pisses me off.
Kid's a little different, a little
special, needs a little more attention,
teacher's gonna put a label
on him. "