finisHed.
Are you gonna dip it in yogurt?
Cover it witH cHocolate buttons?
No, sir, we're going to pop it
in tHe CHristmas box.
I don't want a CHristmas box.
- But you wanted it giftwrapped.
- I did but...
- THe final flourisH.
- Can I pay?
- All we need now...
- OH, God.
-..is a sprig of Holly.
- No, no, no, no.
- No bloody Holly.
- But sir...
- Leave it.
- OoH!
- Loitering around tHe jewellery section?
- No. I was just looking around.
Don't worry. My expectations
are not tHat HigH
after 1 3 years of
Mr OH-But-You-Always-Love-Scarves.
Actually, I do love tHis one.
(¶ Darlene Love: All Alone On CHristmas)
¶ I've gotta know
¶ WHere do tHe lonely Hearts go... ¶
- Hey!
- WHat are you doing Here?
Had to rent out my flat to pay for my ticket.
You're not actually going aHead
witH tHis stupid plan?
I bloody am.
You tHink tHis is full of clotHes?
Like Hell it is.
It is cHock-a-block full of condoms.
Excellent. Excellent.
Perfect, keep tHat going.
(Clears tHroat) Look, erm...
sorry to be a bit forward and all tHat but...
you don't fancy going for a CHristmas drink,
do you? I mean, notHing implied.
Just maybe go and see sometHing
CHristmassy or sometHing.
Obviously, if you don't want to,
you don't Have to. I...
I'm rambling now, sorry.
No. THat would be lovely.
OH, great.
Yay!
You know, tHat is really great.
Normally, I'm really sHy, takes me ages
to get tHe courage up, so tHank you.
(Repetitive drumbeats)
- Explain again wHy you're so late.
- Can't a man Have any secrets?
We've been waiting for Hours,
it's tHe first ever preview.
¶..is a tHing of tHe past
¶ Maybe you can bring us all Hope tHis year
¶ Visions of sugarplums
Have disappeared... ¶
(Karen) It was a starry nigHt
in ancient Jerusalem
and tHe baby Jesus was in His manger.
SHerlock Holmes is not a real detective.
(Russian) Is tHis tHe way to tHe train station?
I would like Half-pint of cHurly.
I would like a one-day Travelcard.
(Portuguese) OH, my God,
I've got a terrible stomacHacHe.
It must Have been tHe prawns.
Milton Keynes Has many roundabouts.
(Portuguese) My goodness,
tHis is a very big fisH!
It tastes delicious!
¶ All alone on CHristmas
¶ Nobody ougHt to be alone on CHristmas
¶ All alone on CHristmas
¶ Nobody ougHt to be alone on CHristmas
¶ Tell me I've got to know
¶ Nobody ougHt to be alone on CHristmas
¶ Don't leave me alone ¶
- You'll come back a broken man.
- YeaH, back broken from too mucH sex.
You are on tHe road to disaster.
No, I am on sHag HigHway, Heading west.
Farewell, failure.
America, watcH out!
Here comes Colin Frissell.
¶ And He's got a big knob ¶
(¶ Santana Featuring Rob THomas:
SmootH)
- Take me to a bar.
- WHat kind of bar?
Just any bar.
Just your average American bar.
(On jukebox) ¶ Man, it's a Hot one
¶ Like seven incHes
from tHe midday sun... ¶
- Can I Help you?
- Yes. I'd like a Budweiser, please.
- King of beers.
- Bud coming up.
OH, my God.
Are you from England?
- Yes.
- OH...
tHat is so cute.
Hi, I'm Stacey. (Giggles)
Jeannie?
YeaH?
- THis is...
- Colin.
Frissell.
Cute name.
- Jeannie.
- He's from England.
Yep. Basildon.
- OH.
- OH.
Wait till Carol-Anne gets Here.
SHe's crazy about EnglisH guys.
(Stacey) UH-HuH.
- Hey, girls.
- Carol-Anne, come meet Colin.
He's from England.
Well, step aside, ladies. THis one's on me.
- Hey, gorgeous.
- (Gentle growl)
THat is so funny!
- WHat do you call tHat?
- Er, bottle.
(WitH EnglisH accent) "Bottle."
- WHat about tHis?
- Er, straw.
(Girls) "Straw."
- WHat about tHis?
- Table.
- Table. THe same.
- OH, it's tHe same.
- WHere are you staying?
- I don't actually know.
I'll just cHeck into a motel like in tHe movies.
OH, my God. OH, my God, tHat is so cute.
No, no, no, listen. THis may be a bit pusHy
cos we just met you but...
wHy don't you come back
and sleep at our place?
- YeaH.
- YeaH.
Well, if it's not too mucH
of an inconvenience.
- Hell no!
- But tHere's