Who did this?
Listen to me.
This is important.
Tony Vivaldi...
...and the Torelli mob...
...are joining forces.
I'm out of here.
Frank.
Frank!
I'm sorry, Frank.
It's a bomb!
He's okay. Minor wound.
Both cops dead.
Two days to retirement.
Nick?
Hello?
Nick!
- Who the hell are you?
- Don't shoot me.
I'm Danny Madigan. I'm a kid.
- How did you get here?
- I'm not quite sure where "here" is, sir.
Close your eyes, stay flat
and don't move.
You're driving with no hands.
Think it's easy?
You have to practice...
...and never do it in heavy traffic.
Iced that guy.
To "cone" a phrase.
Wait a minute.
The bad puns, the voice,
the hard rock.
This is happening.
This is really happening.
This is not happening.
Repeat: This is not happening.
Oh, no!
I booted. Sorry.
I thought I was gonna die.
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
But you're gonna live to enjoy all
the glorious fruits life has to offer:
Acne, shaving,
premature ejaculation...
...and your first divorce.
Boy, does this suck weenie, or what?
This is a movie set.
This is a movie set.
That's how the scenery changed, right?
You're gonna play chicken, aren't you?
Just like Jack Slater.
Fasten your seat belt, please.
You have fingers?
Cross as many as you can.
I'm in the movie.
Holy cow, I'm in the movie!
Nick, Houdini wasn't faking.
Jack, did you see that?
I was just in a real police station,
and this is much nicer.
Hey, Slater, it's your ex-wife on two.
You stay.
She's always calling me.
Hello, sweetheart, how are you?
It's so nice to hear your voice.
Oiler, you're partnered up
with Waterman.
Oh, give me a partner, sarge.
That is right.
Yep.
Of course.
Just as you say.
Yep.
Kraus, you're teamed up
with the rabbi.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice!
John Practice, you old SOB.
What are you doing
away from Washington?
The bureau thinks something
strange is going on between...
- And this is top secret...
- Vivaldi is joining with the Torellis.
Damn it. How do you do that?
I'm not parked behind a desk all day
eating those doughnuts.
Those are government doughnuts.
It's not easy work. I gotta call D.C.
Good for you.
Watch it, Jack.
He killed Mozart.
- In a movie?
- Amadeus.
It won eight Oscars.
I saved his life in Nam.
I'll make sure to be on the lookout.
Now, no more movies!
Slater!
I got the city council chewing my eggs off
for that plane you crashed!
I got the mayor scheduling parades
up my Lincoln Tunnel...
...for that stunt on the beach.
Everybody wants to know what it is,
what it ain't and what it will be!
Do I make myself clear?
I'm just doing my job.
You've given this department
the worst reputation in the country.
I've got the chamber of commerce
doing cartwheels in my cocoa factory.
Radcliff, you're pulling duty
with the animated cat.
Hiya, toots.
I'm getting a flea bath later.
Join me?
- You touch me again, fur ball, I'll kill you.
- Wait!
I can prove this is a movie.
- Who the hell are you, kid?
- Look out there. There's a cartoon cat.
He's supposed to be back on duty.
He was only suspended for a month.
Listen to what I'm saying.
An animated cat
just walked into the squad room.
- Hello.
- He'll do it again tomorrow.
- So, what's your point?
- That cat is one of my best men.
Now who is this twerp?
And why is that smile on his face?
I just love the way you two fight,
knowing how you feel about each other.
Just how do I feel about this
weird-looking sack of puppy poop?
You're dearest friends.
Your wife left you
for the circus midget...
...and Jack told everyone he drove
her to the diphtheria clinic.
When he came back, you said:
"You saved me
from public humiliation, Jack.
You're my dearest friend."
- You promised me you wouldn't tell.
- I didn't.
- Then how did he know?
- Jack Slater I.
- What's winning got to do with this?
- No, the very first Jack Slater.
- You told