- He never got caught?
- Okay, you broke my flow...
...so now I guess I'll just have
to segue down to the near.
That's just it.
You see, he didn't pose as any of those.
He just posed as
a world-famous impostor. Yeah.
It came out later in the L.A. Times.
They checked up, and he was pushing
a broom at Disneyland or something.
He saw that old DiCaprio movie.
You know, the one where
he plays a world-famous impostor...
...before Leonardo hit his Elvis stage.
And his first thought was:
"Hey, I could pose as all those exotic guys
and get away with it."
But then, his next thought was,
"Hell, why bother?
I could just pose as an impostor,
and it'd be a lot easier."
They say that he made more money
than the actual impostor...
... although I'm not sure
if they'd adjust for inflation.
Well, you know,
we all see impostors now and then...
... but not posing
as subatomic physicists.
Oh, as a narc, you mean.
What's a narc look like?
That's like asking,
"What's an impostor look like?"
I talked to this dealer
who'd been busted.
I asked him what the narc
who busted him looked like.
What did he say, he looked just like us?
More so.
So I guess the moral of that is...
... stay away from guys
looking the same as us.
Well, there are female narcs.
Oh, hey, I'd like to meet one of those.
No, I don't mean a female. I mean
just the narc, knowingly, like, positive.
Sure. So you could positively know.
And you will.
When he slaps the cuffs on,
you'll know for sure, when that day comes.
How could a guy do that?
Pose as a narc?
- What?
- What?
Pose as a narc?
- No, you said it. So yeah.
- Pose as a narc.
Oh, sh... Shit, I'm spaced.
Pose as a narc, wow.
Pose as a narc.
My brains are scrambled today.
Christ, Barris, what the fuck?
Yes, hi. How are you?
I have something
somewhat emergent to report.
I don't know if I should be summoning
the inhalator squad...
... or the resuscitation squad.
Yes, ma'am?
I don't know. I don't want to say
it's not cardiac arrest...
... but it's either that or an involuntary
asphyxiation of a bolus within the...
The address, yes.
The address is simple...
... although I've never sent myself
a piece of mail here.
Seven... Seven... Seven-zero-niner.
Street? Is the street relevant?
- Come on.
- Tell you this much, it is a cul-de-sac.
Does that technically qualify as a street?
I'm pleased to report we won't be needing
your assistance after all.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
There you go. Took care of itself.
- Okay.
- Oh, Jesus.
You all right? There you go.
I must've passed out.
- Yeah.
- Well, you... I was dreaming.
- Must have almost died.
- Yeah.
Shit.
And what were you doing while
I was being escorted by dead relatives...
... to the bright light? Jacking off?
No, no, no. You saw me.
I was on the phone.
I summoned the paramedics.
- I sprung into action without delay.
- Bullshit. You were cleaning your pipe.
I was wrapping my pipe.
You were unconscious.
You the only person in the universe
who never heard of the Heimlich maneuver?
All right,
I'm gonna give you a little feedback...
... since you seem to be proceeding
through life like a cat without whiskers...
... perpetually caught
behind the refrigerator.
Your life and watching you live it...
... is like a gag reel
of ineffective bodily functions.

------------------------------
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