- What?
It's not even lunch
and you rip the leg off the chicken?
Are you planning on photographing it?
Oh, come on.
You don't even like dark meat.
Well, I won't have any lunch, OK?
Just subtract it from my share, OK?
This isn't your mother's house,
where you do something like that
and everybody thinks it's cute.
If it's not my mother's house, then why
are you talking to me like I'm your kid?
Come on, guys.
Bellinis.
- That's...
- Whoops. Sorry.
- Just like in Venice.
- Thank you.
Toast?
To marriage.
To friendship.
- OK. Is everybody ready?
- Ready.
Arthur, you go first.
- "Jewish."
- You put "Jewish" first?
Julie, try to control yourself. It's my list.
- "Jewish. Married."
- Thank you.
"Lawyer. Father."
Hungry. Thank God.
OK. OK, this is me.
"Unemployed."
"Mother. Good-natured.
- "Shiksa. Sister."
- What about "married"?
- That's the shiksa part.
- Arthur, it's her list.
"Yugoslav. Capitalist. Tan.
Tall. 188 pounds."
Dmitri, it's not supposed to be like
a driver's licence. It's who you are.
- I am pussy-whipped.
- That is such a lie. It is.
All right.
"Television interviewer.
Blonde. Living with Dmitri."
- Right.
- Yeah, for now.
"Friend. Texan."
- "Pregnant."
- No.
"Wife and mother. Writer. Happy."
- Thelma.
- Betty, hello.
- Hi. Jonathan.
- Oh, please don't get up.
We saw each other
at the Swedish Embassy?
- I think you're right.
- Hi.
- Rachel. Hello, Mark.
- Have a wonderful dinner.
- Good night.
- Nice to see you.
- Thelma Rice is having an affair.
- No.
- With who?
- I don't know.
- Oh, come on.
- With someone.
This is what I know.
It shouldn't be difficult to figure out.
It has to be someone taller than she is,
which rules out
practically everybody.
Maybe it's one of
the Washington Bullets.
How do you know this?
She's talking about buying a condo
and staying in Washington
if Jonathan is sent to Bangladesh.
Now, obviously,
she's having an affair with someone.
Maybe Senator Campbell.
He's been talking about condos too.
- Senators always talk about condos.
- This is true. Who else could it be?
You know, I don't know how anybody
gets anything going in this town.
Nobody even flirts here.
Jonathan is not being
sent to Bangladesh.
Why not?
Because we still care about Bangladesh.
Mark, your turn.
"Columnist. In love. Married. Father.
"Shortstop."
Choked on that first one, didn't you?
- Hi.
- Hi. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thelma Rice had her legs waxed.
For the first time. Need I say more?
He's in love with someone else.
Hold still. He comes over last night
and he drops it on me.
He's in love with someone else
- but still wants to be friends.
- This just happened?
- Last night?
- Hold still.
I says, "I don't wanna be friends
with you."
He says, "Why not?" I says,
"Because you're a real shithead.
- "That's why."
- Don't do too much...
I'll do one side. If you don't like it,
we'll take it down.
You know what he says to me?
"You mean you're not even
gonna cut my hair any more?"
He falls in love with someone else
while going with me,
and he actually thinks
I'm gonna go on cutting his hair.
I can't believe I didn't figure it out.
He kept dropping one clue
after another, right into my lap.
He has to go jogging.
He has to go and do errands
that take four times
longer than it'd take
a genuinely subnormal person
to do them.
Last week, he calls me up
at ten in the evening and he says,
"I'm calling to say good night.
I'm going to bed early.
"I'm gonna turn off the phone.
"I wanted you to know in case
you called and there was no answer."
And do you know what I said to him?
"Good night, honey."
Anyone can see it, and I'm saying,
"Good night, honey, sleep tight.
"Don't let the bedbugs bite."
You didn't. "Don't let the bedbugs bite"?
I did.
- Did you know about this?
- No, of course not, Mary Beth.
You and I are the only two people
in America
who did not know about it.
His friends knew.