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Once upon a time,
there was a lonely kind of a guy...
who'd resigned himself
to the fact that love was blind.
"Now, if love is blind,"
he thought to himself...
"How will it find me?
"It honestly seems such a crime.
"For how many times
has love knocked on the door...
"when it should have been
knocking on mine?"
And so one day, he went off
in search of the aloof creature.
He soon happened upon
the cute and fuzzy bunny gang.
Perhaps they could help him.
"Pardon me, cute and fuzzy bunnies,"
he said.
"I wonder if you could help me find love."
"Love would have nothing to do...
"with such a stupid-looking creature,"
said the first cute and fuzzy bunny.
"With that nose. And those shoes."
"And that stomach."
"And those eyes."
"And those ears."
"Roses are red, violets are blue...
"but love will have
nothing to do with you!"
They chanted and danced around him.
Naturally, our hero
was very saddened by this, so...
he...
Actually, he...
He reached into his suitcase...
and pulled out an Israeli submachine gun...
and he sawed those
cute, fuzzy bastards in half...
with hot lead!
It was beautiful!
Wait, stop! No, no.
It's supposed to be a love story
not a Rambo bloodbath.
Forget it. It's not your fault. It's me.
Morty, how am I going to get this done?
What do you know?
You're not a man. You're a cat.
Go back to your feline world.
Get out of here.
You better move it, Hoops.
You'll miss graduation.
Okay, Mom.
Here's your cap and gown. All clean.
- What do you mean, "All clean"?
- Hoops, these are rented.
Do you know
how many people wear them?
I washed them.
Rita Segal.
Solomon Shapiro. Frank Stephens.
Shirley Strom.
I got to get out of Generic this summer.
I'm gonna lose my mind.
Come to Nantucket with me.
We'll have a blast.
- We'll scale the mermaids.
- I can't be a party monkey.
I got to buckle down.
I've got two weeks to submit
my scholarship assignment.
It's my only chance to get into
Rhode Island School of Design.
It's summer.
We're high school graduates now.
It's time to reap the rewards of four years
of hard, grueling, mind-expanding work.
- What's this word?
- Your last name.
Georgina Williams.
The assignment is supposed to be
an illustrated love story.
What do I know about love?
I've never been in love.
I would like to congratulate
the 1986 graduating class...
of Generic New York High School!
I think what you really need
is a break from your mom.
You're gonna end up
being a street cleaner...
because you didn't get
your basketball scholarship?
- I guess she's taking it hard.
- Of course she is.
It's like my mom saying
I'm an irresponsible louse.
I know that she knows
I'm not irresponsible.
Your mother still has faith in you, Hoops.
Just because you can't
play basketball worth a shit...
doesn't mean
you got no other option in life.
- I guess you're right.
- There you go.
Nothing proves that more
than being surprised...
with your brand-new graduation wheels.
That final, parental confirmation
that you're going somewhere in life.
And this is just the vehicle
to take you there.
Nantucket. When can we leave?
Just got to pick up my sister.
And, Hoops, remember...
never say anything about her dog.
Bye-bye. Have a nice summer.
Squid, you and old Boscoe
going to visit Grandma this summer?
Dog from Mars!
It's so ugly. Someone put it to sleep.
Girls, if you make faces like that
and somebody slaps you on the back...
you'll stay that way forever!
Stop that! Go on! Have a nice summer!
Dog from space!
There sure are some ugly-looking kids
running around here.
Where's this place, anyway?
First stop's a little place called
Woods Hole.
Okay, Cassandra...
all I want is my money.
It's my money, and you know it!
No! It's definitely mine.
Trust me.
Excuse me, guys. Looking for this?
Get him!
George, get us out of here!
So long, sucker.
It's my money!
- Who are your friends?
- Maniacs! Get us out of here! Go!
Hurry up!

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