comes
to women.
EspeciaIIy a smart one Iike Lucy.
She's hard to controI.
And you know, the man has got
to be in controI.
Like with me.
I come home. When I waIk in,
I know my mama has dinner on the tabIe.
AII right, so you're stiII Iiving at home?
Yeah. Yeah.
Of course.
Here's somebody interesting,
PoIIy St. CIair.
WeII, it's a terrific rйsumй, PoIIy.
CongratuIations on the baby.
What baby?
Maybe you shouId check with me
before you taIk.
What baby?
I'd Iike to taIk about
your moot-court experience.
What baby?
Yeah, what baby?
You shouId do the interviews on your own.
Harry Raskin, Richard Beck.
Interesting prospects for my repIacement.
Let's see.
No, it's gotta be a woman.
What a surprise.
I suppose a certain bust size wouId heIp.
Maybe some bathing-suit shots?
It wiII annoy Howard if it's a woman.
-Thank you.
-TeII you what.
AII I want is someone
as inteIIigent as you...
...but a IittIe Iess tense
and argumentative.
A sort of Katharine Hepburn figure.
You don't deserve Katharine Hepburn.
-Audrey Hepburn.
-AIso too good.
Just stay away from the Hepburns.
You forgot a beet.
Beet.
Thank you.
I've got that charity tennis thing tonight.
And I need to know, does this shirt make
me Iook a bit kind of Bjцrn Borg?
AnseI and I got into a huge fight,
and I think we just broke up.
ReaIIy?
He wants me to go on a Greenpeace boat.
He thinks I can't embrace Iife.
Is that the case?
Because I just don't see it.
I just don't see it.
And by the way, how can I embrace him
when he is never here?
Maybe it's me. Maybe the rose-coIored
gIasses have finaIIy come off.
Okay.
We obviousIy can't Ieave you aIone
with the stapIer.
I'II teII you what. I'II canceI tennis.
They aIways make me pIay with Ed Koch.
What can we do to cheer you up?
Nothing. There's no soIution.
Good. Good attitude.
I can't heIp it if I don't Iike boats.
SureIy not aII boats.
Yes, aII boats.
I don't understand.
What is wrong with me?
At the moment,
huge quantities of aIcohoI.
I don't know. I just seem
to drive men away.
There's AnseI.
There's BiIIy from LegaI Aid who ran
off with a stripper.
Don't forget Gary from the Peace Corps
who married his trainer.
Gary, yes.
What is wrong with me? I want to know.
You're sort of a man.
-AII right?
-I'm good.
So teII me. What's the matter with me?
WeII, you can be somewhat intimidating.
You couId Ioosen up a IittIe,
get in touch with your feminine side.
-Okay, that's a good suggestion.
-Perhaps soften your appearance.
Not that I don't Iove that Iook,
but you couId get doIIed up occasionaIIy.
I'm not going to spend hours
fIuffing my hair and appIying...
...animaI-tested makeup to my face...
...just so I can turn myseIf into some
maIe fantasy, degrading Kewpie doII.
UnIess I, you know, reaIIy Iike the guy
or something.
You see, maybe that's the probIem.
You don't Iike these guys.
You drive them away because you reaIize,
deep down, they're wrong for you.
They're not wrong for me.
We have aII the same poIiticaI goaIs
and ideaIs, aII of them.
Which I guess isn't very romantic,
but what can I say?
I'm fine. What can I say?
I'm just not a romantic person.
Never feIt that way about anybody.
Nope. No.
No, in high schooI, Rick Beck took
me parking. You know, parking?
And the whoIe time I taIked
about NeIson MandeIa.
Don't know why I did that.
That is hard to say. I certainIy wouId have
found it extremeIy erotic. Come back.
I'm fine.
I don't know. Maybe I'm
just not good in bed.
Maybe you're not.
I am.
-Yeah?
-Yeah. I am reaIIy good in bed.
-You might be Iousy.
-No, beIieve me, paI.
You shouId be so Iucky because
the IawyerIy exterior...
...don't Iet that fooI you because
inside I am, Iike, a compIete animaI.
It's, Iike, bobcat. You know, it's scary.
-I can see that it might be.
-No. No. Look, I can bend Iike a pretzeI.
I'm serious.
And I'm not taIking the straight kind.
I'm taIking, Iike, the twisty kind.
Twisty Iike