Let me just take care of this, and we'II...
Give it to me straight. How bad is it?
So, shall we?
So little to do, so much time.
You're going to put him back, right?
I can't go back to L.A. With duck soup.
We do have the facilities
to reconstitute the body.
The mind though,
will remain a gooey mess.
So, about my father?
All in due time. Lovely. Yes. Blow.
All right, break it up, fellas. Nice coats.
White is the new black, you know.
Yes.
Look.
- So this is Area 51, right?
- No.
The secret military base
where they keep the aliens?
No, Area 51 is actually
a paranoid fantasy we concocted...
to hide the true identity of this facility.
- Which is?
- Area 52.
But don't quote me on that.
Oh, right. Area 52.
- So, Mother...
- Call me "Mom."
Mom, what is it
that you do here exactly, anyway?
Creation, transubstantiation, destruction.
It's stressful. All kinds of things.
They're already here. You're next.
My God...
what am I going to do with you?
You've done nothing but screw up!
You've walked off mesas.
You've been smashed by boulders.
You've been run over by diesel trucks.
Don't blame the equipment. It's good.
It's ACME equipment.
You're a coyote. Be wily.
All right, now.
Buck up and let's see a little smile.
Little bigger.
That's nice.
Now, just go take a shower,
and don't come back till you smell better!
Be careful. There're men moving a safe
out there, and I don't want you to...
And be careful
of the box of fireworks because...
I suppose I should mention
the plate-glass window...
It's tough being the boss.
A communication.
Memo to Marvin the Martian.
Obtain the playing card,
and destroy the duck.
And when I say destroy the duck,
I mean kill him viciously and painfully.
A mission? I'm all a-tingle.
So, here we are
in the l-can't-tell-you-what room.
- Robert, can you take care of that, please?
- Yes, madam.
- I heard that.
- What were we discussing?
This isn't about the giant ants, is it?
- Giant ants?
- Because they're not really ants anymore.
Tell me about the Blue Monkey.
How do you know about that thing
that I've never heard of in my entire life?
My dad told me.
What is the point
of making them pinky swear?
All right.
Now this tape will explain everything.
It was prepared especially for your father.
Greetings, Damian Drake.
If you are watching this, you are aware
that the world is in grave danger.
The ACME Corporation is in hot pursuit
of the Blue Monkey diamond...
a supernatural gem with the ability
to turn people into monkeys...
and then back again.
It is the ACME chairman's goal
to turn the population...
into monkey slaves
to manufacture shoddy ACME goods...
and then change them back to people
to buy the stuff.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable, you may say.
Your mission is this. ;
Find it, destroy it, save humanity.
And remember,
no one wants to be turned into a monkey.
So that's why.
Those guys came after my dad
because he was going to save the world.
So that means if I go after the diamond,
then the bad guys come after me.
Hang on.
You're not seriously thinking about...
Taking over your father's mission?
- I guess that would be all right.
- What?
Listen, if you're going to be a spy,
you'll need spy stuff.
So, is this where you keep
all the high-tech spy gadgets?
Yes.
That's cool. So I get to use all this stuff?
No, your stuff is over here.
But I really like the...
All right. Looks like an ordinary cell phone.
Three-way calling, voice dialing,
downloadable ringtones.
- My phone does all that.
- Superconducting electromagnet.
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
GPS with mapping software...
tip calculator, Gameboy.
Gameboy?
High-powered laser.
Polycarbonate rappelling line
with jet-propelled micro grappling hook.
Nose hair trimmer.
You always want to look your best.
Get over here, you idiot.
No, cold. Cold. Warm, warmer.
Permit me, madam.
Robert, darling. Excellent choice.
Swank pants.
And comfortable, too.