following a broom around
after shitheads like you...
for the last eight years,
I've learned a couple of things.
I look through your letters.
I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations.
You don't know that, but I do.
I am the eyes and ears of
this institution, my friends.
By the way, that clock's
20 minutes fast.
[Andrew Chuckles]
Shit.
[Music][music] [Whistling]
[Music][music] [Whistling]
[Music][music] [All Whistling]
[Whistling "Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony"]
All right, girls.
That's 30 minutes for lunch.
Here?
Here.
I think the cafeteria would be
a more suitable place for
us to eat lunch in.
I don't care what
you think, Andrew.
Uh, Dick?
Excuse me, Rich. Will milk
be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty. Sir.
- I have a really low
tolerance for dehydration.
I've seen her dehydrated, sir.
It's pretty gross.
Relax. I'll get it.
Ah-ah-ah.
Grab some wood there, bub.
What do you think,
I was born yesterday?
You think I'm going to
have you roaming these halls?
- You.
- [Sighs]
And you. Hey!
[Snaps Fingers]
What's her name?
Wake her up.
Hey, come on.
On your feet, missy,
Let's go! This is no rest home.
There's a soft drink machine
in the teachers' lounge.
Let's go.
So...
what's your poison?
What do you drink?
Okay. Forget I asked.
Vodka.
Vodka?
When do you drink vodka?
Whenever.
A lot?
Tons.
Is that why
you're here today?
Why are you here?
Why are you here?
Um...
I'm here today
because, uh...
because my coach
and my father don't want me
to blow my ride.
I get treated differently because,
uh, coach thinks I'm a winner.
So does my old man.
I'm not a winner because
I want to be one.
I'm a winner because
I got strength and speed,
kind of like a racehorse.
That's about how involved
I am in what's happening to me.
Yeah?
That's very interesting.
Now why don't you tell me why
you're really in here.
[Scoffs]
Forget it.
Claire? Want to see a picture
of a guy with elephantiasis
of the nuts?
It's pretty tasty.
No, thank you.
How do you think
he rides a bike?
Claire?
Would you consider
dating a guy like this?
- Can't you just leave me alone?
- I mean, if he had
a great personality...
was a good dancer
and had a cool car?
You'd probably have to
ride in the backseat because
his nuts would ride shotgun.
[Sighs]
You know what I wish
I was doing?
Watch what you say.
Brian here is a cherry.
- A cherry?
- I wish I was in a plane...
- to France.
- I'm not a cherry.
- When have you ever gotten laid?
- I've laid lots of times.
- Name one.
- She lives in Canada.
I met her at Niagara Falls.
You wouldn't know her.
Ever laid anyone around here?
Oh.
You and Claire did it?
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. Nothing.
Let's just drop it, okay?
We'll talk about it later.
- What are you talking about?
- Brian's trying to tell me...
that in addition to the number of girls
in the Niagara Falls area...
that presently you and he
are riding the hobby horse.
- Little pig.
- No, I'm not.
John said I was a cherry,
and I said I wasn't.
That's all that was said.
Then what were you
motioning to Claire for?
- I don't appreciate this
very much, Brian.
- He is lying.
You weren't motioning
to Claire?
You know he's lying, right?
Were you or were you not
motioning to Claire?
Yeah, but it was only...
It was only because
I didn't want her
to know I was a virgin.
Excuse me for
being a virgin. I'm sorry.
[Scoffs]
Why didn't you want me
to know you were a virgin?
Because it's personal business.
It's my personal, private
business.
Well, Brian, it doesn't sound
like you're doing any business.
I think it's okay
for a guy to be a virgin.
You do?
What's in there?
Guess.
Where's your lunch?
You're wearing it.
You're nauseating.
What's that?
- Sushi.
- Sushi?
[Laughs]
Rice, raw fish
and seaweed.
You won't accept
a guy's tongue in your mouth,
and you're gonna eat that?
Can I eat?
I