was.
Wasn't today fun?
Didn't you have any fun?
I found a shell.
Randy, you may have to try
just a little bit harder.
Tomorrow Helmut and Christopher
are giving me cliff-diving lessons.
Won't you try it just at least once?
Nothing could be more fun than jumping
off a cliff with two German bisexuals.
- What?
- Nothing.
The shower better work now.
I don't believe it.
Randy!
Randy!
- Mrs. White, how do you do it?
- Easy.
How was that shower?
- Brutal.
- Really?
I'd say there's about a foot of water
in our room.
When it rains, it pours. Have a nice night.
Look, why don't you come
and tell me what the problem is.
- Nice resort.
- Nice pants.
The '60s are over, pal.
Your Excellency.
You are looking elegant this evening.
Why are we graced
with your imperial presence?
The fact is, one can smell the suntan oil...
and the frying female flesh
right across the island.
I was curious to see what was going on...
at this perverted passion pit
you're running here.
This orgy bin, this... Whatever you call
this drug-crazed nipple ranch.
I take it you're looking
for a little female companionship.
You've come to the right place, 'cause
you got the pearls, we got the swine.
Before I turn my hormones loose...
I did have something official that I wanted
to discuss with you in private.
Forgive me, but I thought most of your
official duties consisted of a lot of this.
No. While you have been occupied
in fishing loose diaphragms...
out of the swimming pool filters...
I have been engaged in matters
of the utmost importance...
to everyone on this island.
We don't have a swimming pool.
Nevertheless, if you do have a nook
which is not actually knee-deep...
in seminal fluid, I do think
it's rather important we have a chat.
I'll try and find a dry spot, and we'll talk.
But if you're really interested
in something wonderful...
I think you should check out the woman
in the blue, possibly silk, top.
Why should I check her out?
Because she's a writer for
The New York Times travel section...
and if you charm her pants off
and drive her to China...
she might write a real nice piece
about this place.
Drinks on the house. Doubles.
- Lf you think it will help.
- Bless you.
Oh, dear. Am I too late for the main event?
No, I think the guests will be allowed
to graze for a few more minutes...
- Before the alleged entertainment begins.
- May I join you?
I guess that's how it works.
The fireman told me to check you out.
I believe you're a journalist?
Will you scribble a little something
about this place?
I wouldn't know what to say. It sort of
reminds me of a Japanese POW camp.
- What do you do?
- Guess.
Too tan to hold a respectable job.
Retired millionaire?
Hardly. I haven't any money anywhere.
That's why people like me
live in the West Indies.
It's one of the best places in the world
in which to be poor.
No little mouths to feed?
There was one very big mouth,
but my wife left me several years ago.
Couldn't stand the tropics?
Loved the tropics.
It was me she couldn't stand.
- You want to make our move?
- Let's sit down.
All right then, let's do it.
- Which one do you want?
- I'll take the brown hair.
- They both have brown hair.
- I'll take the banana.
- Okay.
- Cool.
Good evening, ladies.
Mind if my father and I join you?
You look so familiar. Were you
at Club Med Martinique last year?
- No.
- Club Universal in Hawaii?
- No.
- Swingles in Fort Lauderdale?
- No.
- You know what I think?
I think we met in another life.
- Do you have anything to smoke?
- Unreal!
- Are you kidding?
- You must be psychic.
We were just talking about that before,
getting stoned.
I thought we were the only two heads
on the lsland.
I tell you what, we're going to go out
and cop some primo Cannabis sativa. 
And the four of us will get
totally demented. What do you think?
- Stoned out of our gourds. Okay?
- Catch you in a while?
Save our seats. We'll