embarrassing...
I called from the airport, said
I'd be there in an hour, and...
- You study music?
- No. It's not mine
It was Maestro Ragosin
He was on tour in my hometown,
and after the concert...
they forgot to put
the violin on the plane
- Banquet?
- Nah, just a dinner
- Oh... Are you from Tbilisi?
- From Batumi [in Georgia]
I thought I'd return the violin
and still catch the train to my college
- I study Textile Manufacturing
- Uh-huh...
I wanted to study International Relations
in Moscow, but there they told me...
Quiet!
A man
- "Koo"
- Hello
A capitalist country
Do you speak any
foreign languages?
English, a little French
Tell them we have no money
Tell them now!
It's not a free show
" Gentlemen! Sorry,
we haven't money ...now "
How do you do!
We are tourists
We lost our group
Please give us a ride to the nearest city,
and we'll find our way from there
Translate
Hello
We have no money
We left money, passports
and foreign currency with our guide
We stepped aside for a moment
and got lost in the sands
It's yours. Very warm
Sorry?
You want my hat?
Here you go
It's not mine,
I can't give it away
- There's nothing in there
- Open it
It's not wine, it's vinegar
Sour, isn't it?
So that's settled then?
Friend, will you give us a ride?
Fiddler, hurry up
Just to the nearest city,
we'll be all right there
What? my jacket?
Jerks...
Glad I didn't give
them the violin
Looks like they're sorry
"Ketze" what?
I think he wants a match
You want a match?
Here
The whole box?
You get us out of here,
and we'll give you the "koo"
Not a single letter,
not a single "Made in", heh?
Sorry,
I don't understand
" Sprechen Sie Turkisch? "
What do they want?
It's "koo" they want
Thank you
He wants me to put on a bell
He'll get over it
I'll put it on, Vladimir Nikolaevich
It's getting too awkward
Whatever
All right, you win
I'll just have a smoke
Easy! Easy there. Easy
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
maybe we are really on...
Yeah, typical Martians
"Lucy darling, you pest! You
just had to have those noodles"
So. You do speak Russian
What was your motive for concealing it?
We didn't
conceal it
It's hard to penetrate your minds
when you two think in different languages
And this Patzak always speaks
in languages he hardly knows!
What are you staring at?
"Maimuna verishvilla"
- They speak Georgian, too!
- What did he say?
- "Monkey, son of a goat"
- That's it!
We are from the Soviet Union,
here on a cultural exchange
Everybody knows where we are
Looking for us
If you don't put us
in touch with the embassy...
you'll be in serious trouble,
got it?
We don't understand "embassy"
Quick, put the 'tzak' back!
You understand "noodles",
and you understand "maimuna",
yet you don't know "embassy"?
You poor things
Enough!  Stop fooling
us around!  Got it?
About noodles I simply
said what you thought
It's not Earth, my dear fellow,
and it's not Africa
It's planet Pluk, 215 in Tenture
Galaxy Kin-Dza-Dza in The Spiral. Got it?
Well hello, here we are
Put the bell on, my friend
Put it on
Right... Way to go
- Excuse me, where have we landed?
- Shh! He has very sharp ears
- Do you know the Tenture of your planet?
- Tenture?
Well, tell us your
galaxy number in The Spiral
- In the spiral?
- Yes, yes, in The Spiral
Well, Earth is there, you know...
Spinning next to such planets as...
Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter...
- What else, Vladimir Nikolaevich?
- The Big Dipper
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
come over here
- Do you have more matches on your planet?
- It's possible
How many will you give us
if we put you there?
- How many do you need?
- Two full boxes like this one
- Seven!
- Seven
And give me all that you have here
I will trade them for a 'gravitzapa'
Excuse me,
what is "gravitzapa"?
Well, without a gravitzapa,
'Pepelatz' can only fly like this...
but add a gravitzapa and---to any place
in the Universe... in 5 seconds
And you guys