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Кин-Дза-Дза

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Citizen! Wait! I can!
Play!
Here?
Over there!
Wait a minute, foreman...
I'll tune this up...
Now, play.
And sing.
Right, just a sec.
How does it go...
(Mashkov sings: )
Mama, mama, what shall I do?..
Cool!
What?
I said, 'Cool!'
People like it.
What?
PEOPLE LIKE IT!
I can’t sing ‘wuuu’.
Let me be a drummer.
- How’s that?
- Tam ta da da dam...
Foreman!
Fiddler isn't needed!
It’s OK, he won’t be a bother.
Give us some water to drink,
will you?
I said, after the performance.
Miss, we could take it by force.
Then you'd have to ask us.
Oh! You touch me and an ecilop
will come right here and tear
your legs off.
I don't give a damn
about your ecilop!
Calm down, Fiddler.
Don't provoke the lady...
Foreman!
Look...
Wuu-wuu… Wuu-koo...
Alright, I got it.
Look, do you know anyone
with a gravitsapa and a pepelats?
Why?
Well he could give us a lift to Earth,
and we'd give you both
a big crate of ketse...
I know that your people
don't trust words...
Well, read what I'm thinking...
That your wife is probably calling
all the city morgues.
No, what am I thinking exactly now?
That you will really keep your promise.
You see? It’s true.
What idiot on Pluke thinks the truth?
It's absurd!
Precisely because you say what
you don't think and think what you
don't think, you do sit in cages.
That’s the cause of all this bitter
cataclysm which I see here,
and V.N. sees too...
Patsaks have to perform in cages,
so come inside right now, you two!
Why put on lugs?
Doesn't matter, my dear,
we will sing beside the cage.
Get in! He saw us!
He’ll tranklucate us!
We're not animals.
What???
You SHALL come inside, I say!
You SHALL do it!
Hands off!
You shall get in!
Stop it!
Get in!
Get in, or he’ll melt us down!
OK, get in Fiddler,
if she wants it that badly.
Get in.
One two three...
Dance!
Dance... Wuu, koo, wuu…
I'll tell you what...
Go find another band...
nunky!
What???
Don’t move! I'll be back.
We've got to get out of here.
Boys, push the cart, it's uphill.
The pleasure is ours...
Accelerate!
Bye, bastards!
What??? Oooh...
I will tell everybody...
...where this buffoon PJ
has led the planet!
Patsaks are walking
all over Chatlanians!
Kyoo!
Everything in place?
She stole the cologne.
Women!..
Let me...
Hey! What do you
have in there... lead?
Let me, uncle Vova.
I don't even know
which way to look.
Where's the Earth?
Galina Borisovna! Comrade Mashkov
and I, as Patsaks, could receive 2 chatls
for a performance - it's maximum.
Water, lutz and bribes to
ecilops – at least 1 chatl a day.
And a gravitsapa costs half a ketse!
That's 2 200 chatls!
Divide by 365, minus weekends...
we get 6. And that's for those 6 years
when I had no way of returning!
That's all very well,
Gedevan Alexandrovich,
but these are just words.
Where is the proof, that you
arrived from the cosmos,
and not sold the violin...
...and spent all that time
in a disco in Gagry?
This is a Plukanian mineral.
This is a chatl.
This is a tsak.
A screwnut and a sample of sand
are appended...
...to the report I handed in
to the Dean’s secretary...
...so that it could be sent
to UNESCO.
- Where?!
- UNESCO.
- Look, Gedevan Alexandrovich...
You had studied for half a term
and then disappeared for years!
And now you're trying
to explain yourself...
...with some pebble, some piece
of old Georgian ceramics, and
a fisher's bell!
And you dare to insist...
By the way,
if you have musical talent,
then why weren't you
in our students' orchestra?!
Excuse me, Fiddler,
but it’s an elementary koo!KIN-DZA-DZA!
Part Two
Concise Chatlanian-Patsak Dictionary.
KETSE - Matches.
TSAK - Nose bell.
ECIKH - Box for prisoners.
ECILOP - Policeman,
a representative of authority.
PEPELATS - Spaceship.
GRAVITSAPA - Component
of Pepelats motor.
KYOO - Socially acceptable
swear-word.
KOO - All other words.
Hi!
Hello.
Long time no see!
Bye!
Hey! Hang on a sec!
I have a
Кин-Дза-Дза Кин-Дза-Дза

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